i'm extremely picky about my writing. not in the sense of the words and style so much, more about WHAT i write.
i don't just write to write. i want the words that flow out of me to speak to the depths of somebody else's soul, to speak directly to their pain.
hence, (i can't believe i just used that word - don't judge me - i know you are. or, maybe you're repeating it in a british accent - like me... either way, FOCUS! this blog is about to be so good! #humility) i really only try to write when i feel like the Spirit drops a word into my heart.
so, needless to say, God was dealing with me ( i mean - d e a l i n g ) with me the last couple of weeks and i'd like to share what he dropped into my heart.
the WORD was absolutely for me. it ALWAYS is. but i believe lessons are to be shared and that my vulnerability could potentially set someone else free.
SO- i believe it's about to speak to somebody else in Jesus name.
have you ever used the phrase, "when it rains it pours?"
well, if you're a SUPER Christian and SUPER spiritual, you're probably shaking your head like, "no! i've never said anything like that! life is so great, i never complain about anything..."
i applaud you. i didn't know people like that actually existed. (sarcasm.)
but the truth is, if we're being real, most of us have probably said it.
if i'm just being REAL and AUTHENTIC and TRANSPARENT (which is what i strive to ALWAYS be, especially in my writing)... i've said it. I'VE SAID IT A MILLON TIMES in the last 14 days.
the last couple of weeks, it was pouring. ( for those who are thinking - um, it has been mostly beautiful the last few weeks, it wasn't REALLY raining... i'm speaking hypothetically here. it's ok. i'm blonde - by choice, and sometimes i' not the sharpest either. i feel you.)
last week was one of those weeks where even though i knew that i was property of an Almighty, sovereign, powerful, GOOD God who created the universe and every single detail of my life, a God who holds my very life and everything in it in His control, i knew the devil was doing this:
he was stacking up problems and bad news and unfortunate circumstances and controversy one after the other, like Dominoes, pushing it, sitting back and watching them all fall. and laughing.
that's what the week looked like. imagine everything bad happening all at the same time.
WAIT. we don't have to "imagine" it...because we just admitted, well, i'm guessing most of us have admitted using the phrase, "when it rains it pours."
which means, we've experienced the little scenario described above. probably more than once.
after the first 12 hours, i started to have a little pity party for myself. which by the way, i don't understand why they call them "parties." like, it's not like i'm sitting around with a hat and balloons and cake feeling bad for myself.
ok. there was cake. let's be real. there's ALWAYS cake.
i found myself asking, "when is it going to END?"
i felt myself in UNEASE.
i felt ANXIOUS.
i felt FEARFUL.
i felt ANGRY.
i felt HELPLESS.
i felt TIRED.
but most of all, i felt WEAK.
you really couldn't pay me a million dollars to try to force a smile. (which for the record- is highly unusual. i mean, i have a friend in Alabama who used to literally have to tell me, "close your mouth" - because i would just walk around with it open, smiling. and probably - most definitely, creeping some people out.)
i was, in a few simple words, really. really. really. OVER IT.
i woke up the next morning, discouraged again, TIRED, and dreading my day...about to pull out the cake and throw another pity party. (yes, you can eat cake in the morning. if you don't, you're doing it W R O N G.)
quite loudly, i heard the Spirit of God say to me very firmly, "HEY. you have a choice."
i didn't want to face the fact that i did - i KNEW i had a choice.
but in that moment, i just wanted to wallow. instead, i sat in the middle of my bed curled up in a fetal position, tears streaming down my face and i whispered back - "but nothing is changing. and i am TIRED."
for those who of you who don't read my blog often, the Holy Spirit and i have this kinda dope relationship. He knows that i'm a little sassy and difficult so sometimes he likes to be a little firm with me. loving, but firm.
"oh - you're tired? i wonder why. the joy of the LORD is your strength. caitlin- lose your joy - lose your strength." (sometimes i think when the Spirit talks to me, Jesus and God are up in Heaven like - ooooh, drop the MIC and walk away.)
i knew He was right but i was still being stubborn. story of my life.
what i wanted to say was - but, everything is crashing around me and my circumstances are shifting and nothing is going the right way, and i'm surrounded by problems and bad news...
i was about to make a very dangerous plea back to Father God and say - "I don't have ANYTHING TO BE JOYFUL ABOUT."
yep. you read that right. yes, i was thinking that in my head.
but i couldn't bring myself to say it out loud. because as soon as i started to, i realized how RIDICULOUS it sounded.
i STOOD up and looked in the mirror.
am i seriously standing here making the argument to God that i have NOTHING to be joyful about because of my PROBLEMS?
then God whispered something really reassuring in my ear: "just so you know, they aren't going away anytime soon."
i know what you're thinking. wow, God! you are super encouraging. i'm drowning in problems here and there you are, just speaking words of life to me right in the middle of it all...
EXCEPT. He was right. and i knew it. and i needed to hear it.
since when do i have a right to mope around and complain about being tired and bogged down by all of life's problems when God has clearly given me the antidote to RISE above it?
"the joy of the Lord is your strength." - nehemiah 8:10
listen. i'm not suggesting to you that we put on a fake smile and pretend we are happy and that everything is perfect.
neither is God.
God doesn't need you to pretend that everything is perfect. that's not what He is asking of you or me.
but God also doesn't deserve to be angrily vented to, handed some earful about how awful our lives are by some grumpy, ungrateful, miserable person. (which we all can become at times.)
i'm not saying He can't handle it, and i'm certainly not saying we cannot come to Him with our concerns and our anxieties.
what i am saying, is this. He desires a pure, honest heart set before and surrendered wholey to Him.
He desires a child with an open heart who can be REAL about our struggles and concerns...
but also, a child, who, by learning to walk in humility and take steps closer to Him, will gracefully learn, moment by moment, in the ins and outs of both good days and bad, will choose His JOY.
i have learned over time that one of Satan's greatest accomplishments in life is to take someone's joy from them.
because with no joy...
there is no peace.
with no peace...
there is no harmony.
with no harmony...
there is disunity.
with disunity...
there is bitterness.
with bitterness...
there is resentment.
with resentment...
there is ungratefulness.
with ungratefulness...
there is discontentment
and with discontentment,
there is SIN.
if the enemy can steal your joy, He can steal everything away from you.
he wants you to fall into a little pattern here.
he wants you to think that joy only comes when things are going good.
if he can get you thinking that, he can instantly strip you of it when things start to go bad.
and boy, do they go bad sometimes.
but that is a lie from the pit of hell.
happiness is fleeting.
joy is ROOTED and established in you on the INSIDE.
it is UNSHAKABLE.
it cannot be STOLEN.
it can be DEPENDED upon.
it can be CALLED upon.
it can LIFT you.
it can HOLD you.
it can keep you in PERFECT PEACE.
but you better believe it's a choice. and a choice you choose to make D A I L Y.
after my little come apart in my room that day, i stood up, i got dressed, i got in my car, and i went about my day and got my JOY on.
in case you're wondering - things didn't change that day. in fact, they continued to get worse.
but as they did, i dug deep into the dirty, nasty dark crevices of my life, places where the joy was diminished and i fanned the flame. BY CHOICE.
the next day - i did the same thing.
and the next? the same thing.
do you want to know what i noticed? the more i proclaimed and chose to find joy in each of my moments, the less tired i was.
instead, with each intentional choice to find joy, i felt STRONGER. i felt EMPOWERED. I felt EQUIPPED. i felt VICTORIOUS.
why? because i wasn't cowering down in worry and anxiety and unease about temporary things i have no control over ANYWAY. (HELLO. someone needed to hear that.)
i am learning to speak the word of God over my life - DAILY, because we need it on the good and bad days. we need it EVERY DAY.
romans 8:28 "and we know that God works ALL things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose."
GENESIS 50:20 "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."
PHILIPPIANS 4:4 "rejoice in the Lord always, i will say it again, rejoice!"
make a choice to edify yourself in the truth and the UNCHANGING promises of God and i promise- there, you will find joy welling up inside of you.
as any typical human who is studying to become a pastor- i geek out over definitions of things.
while studying the definition of "joy" - i found a synonym that just made me...it made me want to run a lap around my apartment.
TRIUMPH. (whewwwww, Lord, yes, JESUS!)
there's really something SUPERNATURAL about choosing to find joy in the worst of situations and just watching the Spirit fill you up and let you overflow...
but there is something that IGNITES ME when i know that choosing JOY every time is me TRIUMPHING over the enemy.
every time i choose to declare God's Word and overflow with His joy - it stabs the devil a little bit. and then it stabs him again. and then a little bit more.
TRIUMPH and VICTORY - over my PROBLEMS and over HIM.
it's like choosing to DANCE around on the domino pieces he threw at you and then laugh about because you ain't gonna let a few raindrops ruin your parade. (can somebody say amen?!)
here's a piece of friendly advice: if you wait for everything to be perfect and problem free to choose to be joyful, you N E V E R will be.
don't buy into this lie of perfection and the trap of discontentment the devil has set for you and i.
it's not gonna be perfect. not on this earth, anyway. get used to that and learn to live joyfully ANYWAY.
God is worthy to be praised NOW and He paid a very HIGH price (HIS SON) for you and i to live JOYFULLY and ABUNDANTLY.
you will have trouble. i mean, Jesus said it.
"in this world you will have trouble. but take heart, i have overcome the world."
carefully meditate on what he also said next: " i have overcome the world."
let's pause. Jesus, by the blood shed on the Cross and His holy sacrifice, has overcome the world.
you and i live in Christ Jesus. (if you have surrendered your life to Him.)
which means, by default, that you and i have the ability to overcome the WORLD. (now, not like, superhero status, like i can destroy the world with the touch of a button- which would be cool, i'm picturing myself in a WONDER WOMAN costume...) but rather, to RISE ABOVE AND OVERCOME this WORLD and all of it's PROBLEMS.
complete JOY is found in HIS PRESENCE and His PRESENCE alone. it doesn't just GIVE you strength. it LITERALLY SUSTAINS you.
in every season.
in the valleys, it will propel you forward.
on the mountain tops, it will celebrate victories.
in between it all, it will keep you dreaming, hoping, and believing.
look for it. it's all around you.
you have much to be grateful for. i don't know what it is for you. but you do.
ask yourself these:
are you forgiven?
are you redeemed?
are you purposed?
are you called?
are you loved?
are you healthy?
are you surrounded by family and friends?
can you see?
can you hear?
can you smell?
can you taste?
did you wake up today?
is your heart beating?
are you ALIVE?
laugh. dance. smile. give. be generous. help somebody else. pause. stop. look around. inhale. exhale.
joy is a GIFT from God - and it is e v e r y w h e r e. it is something to be found in every moment.
you do have a choice.
c h o o s e j o y.
XOXO,
CAITLIN
