well, i should say key. my house key and car key are just loose, not on a keychain.
i've been meaning to attach them to the keychain at the bottom of my bag for well over, mmm, about 3 months now.
so really, losing my "key" was my own fault.
anybody who knows me really well knows that i don't deal well when i LOSE things.
really. i don't. in fact, confession time.
it's ugly when i lose things. even little things.
i cry. i mean, i really cry. like, ugly cry.
you know how some people have real talent? well, i'm really talented at ugly crying. that chin, the snot, the big tears...it's unlike anything you've ever seen.
sometimes i get so frustrated i just throw myself down on the floor like a toddler. ( i know. i know. picture it. i'm sure you're laughing.)
when it's over, i ALWAYS end up laughing at myself.
everybody has things that really upset them and for me, when i can't FIND something that i NEED, it drives me bananas.
have you ever needed to find something in order to get somewhere?
how does it feel when you can't?
your life feels chaotic, in disarray, right?
in a moment, your life can go from order to chaos.
i found myself running from my car (which is a complete disaster), back up to my room, (which is even more of a disaster.)
frantically, my eyes darted from left to right, skimming over piles of clothes, books, shoes, makeup, sheets, pillows.
CLUTTER. DISTRACTION.
i could see everything i DIDN'T need in that moment surrounding me, distracting me, vying for my attention.
everything i DIDN'T need in that moment covering the ONE and ONLY thing that was essential for me to have.
suddenly, i stopped. i prayed for the Holy Spirit to help remove everything that i didn't need to be focusing on, and lead me to where my key was.
i spotted a pile of clothes out of the corner of my eye. slowly, i leaned down, and pushed them to the side.
in the middle of the floor, as if it had been waiting for me the whole time, was my little black honda civic car key.
and suddenly, i heard the spirit whisper, "there's a story here."
immediately, i knew it was a teaching moment for me. a moment i had to share with others. Jesus was dealing with me the way He always does.
visually. in front of my eyes. through experiences, that, when had to many people, seem normal.
but to me, displays the status of my relationship with Him.
you see, lately i've been running myself a little thin.
yes, it's true. it's confession time again.
right now, i am in, i believe, in one of the best seasons of my life.
but it has also been the BUSIEST.
if you've read any of my blog, you would know that i've been through several extremely difficult, HARD seasons. HEALING seasons.
but none of those have necessarily ever been extremely BUSY.
today, while frantically looking for my key, i was thinking about all i had to do, all of the places i needed to be, when in reality...
all i needed to do was focus on finding the one thing that could get me there.
isn't it true with God?
i know it is for me, anyway.
how many times are we thinking about EVERYTHING else around us that needs to be done and we forget to keep our eyes fixed on the one and only ONE who can help us get there?
because i don't know about you.
but i can't do one thing without Jesus.
oh, i try sometimes. and it doesn't end well.
He TELLS us we can't do it. BUT we're human. and we get BUSY. and we FORGET.
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." JOHN 15:5
(sidenote, aren't you THANKFUL for the Word of God? what would we do without it?!)
if you pull a tree from it's root, everything it is purposed to accomplish will die. it won't happen.
so it is with you and i.
running on E with Jesus will always leave us doing MEDIOCRE in all He has called to do.
the truth is, He doesn't call us to be with Him so we can go DO. He calls us to be with Him so we can just BE.
and when we tackle whatever we have to that day, we're okay because we've BEEN with Jesus.
ever had an encounter that came out of nowhere and you hadn't been with Jesus that day?
sometimes i pick up the phone or go into a conversation WITHOUT spending time with Jesus and in prayer and...sometimes big fights explode, miscommunication happens and it ends with tears and many humbling apologies. hint: it's ALWAYS me apologizing
sometimes i start focusing on all tasks i have to do for ministry WITHOUT spending time with Jesus and in prayer and...sometimes i forget that everything i'm doing i'm doing to serve HIM and advance His Kingdom. hint: when you realize this one, it hurts.
it hurts when you realize that EVERYTHING you do has the power to glorify God - and you've lost sight of that.
"Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people." Colossians 3:23
instead, we end up in disarray, chaos, frustrated with everything we MUST do, desperately trying to find what we need to get us there, and miserably failing at finding it.
what we need, (be prepared, because this is PROFOUND. i'm talkin straight wisdom.)
what we need is JESUS.
standing there in my disaster of a room, i realized all of the things that had been distracting me while i searched for my key. and standing there, with key in hand, my mind STILL raced with lists of every little thing i HAD to do.
and then i heard my Dad say, "Hey. Love. Would you sit down and be with me?"
i must admit, it was an enticing offer, but i looked at the mess around me, my heart still racing...
and gently, again, "would you just come? you have what you need. let everything else go."
in my hands, i held the key that would bring me to everywhere i needed to be and help me do everything that needed to be done. i could breathe. the key was in my possession.
the key, my friends, is JESUS.
i quickly fell onto my bed and curled up into the fetal position.
"Dad, there's so many distractions. I'm sorry. I'm sorry so much gets in the way of the only One I need."
and there i was. i released myself to him, surrendering my faults and shortcomings into the hands of my Heavenly Father who cares so deeply for me.
yes, he cares so deeply that His only desire is for us to simply FIND HIM and BE WITH HIM.
this is nothing new, but i've realized on a whole new level how much Satan loves to distract us.
in the past few weeks, the heart racing, overwhelming, tears streaming fits have become more common.
i have found myself busy and missed my Jesus.
instead of the spirit of a SOUND mind, my mind has carried NOISE.
instead of a spirit of PEACE, it's been FEAR.
instead of STILLNESS, BUSYNESS.
instead of BALANCE, CONFUSION.
instead of FOCUS, DISTRACTION.
in the moment of falling into my Father's lap, i find everything i need. everything ELSE falls away.
nothing else matters.
"Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of KNOWING Jesus Christ my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ and become ONE with Him."philippians 3:8-9
let go of the everything else.
free yourself of all distraction.
because really, does anything compare to becoming One with our Savior?
"And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." PHILIPPIANS 4:8
where do we find truth? in the presence of Jesus.
who is honorable, and right and pure? my Jesus.
who, is the most lovely and admirable that it is impossible to NOT be changed inside of His presence? Jesus.
He is worthy of our undivided attention, yes.
But even greater, He desires it. It pleases Him.
Father, forgive us for being Martha. Clear our thoughts and anxieties. Forgive our busyness. Help us to be Mary. Help us to always choose to lay at your feet and choose the BETTER thing. And thank you for never taking it away from us, even when we can't see it.
you at the center, Jesus. Always. Less of me. More of you.
xoxo,
CAITLiN
