we hear it all of the time.
GOD is faithful. He is FAITHFUL.
sometimes, at least in my life, I so easily forget this.
i take advantage of it.
this is not something to be thrown around and taken lightly.
the GOD of the universe, the CREATOR of Heaven and Earth, my DADDY in Heaven is faithful.
to me.
all of the time. without fail.
to be honest, when i sat down to write this, i wasn't thinking about the faithfulness of the Lord.
don't get me wrong, He has been faithful to me.
HE has done a miraculous work in my life and faith in these past few months...
but i'll get to that later.
i started to think about me...and my FAiTHFULNESS to HiM.
have i been faithful to God?
Have i trusted Him?
Have i been everything i could possibly be for Him?
and the answer, a few months ago...
would have been NO.
let me preface this post with this:
this is my heart. these are my words, but the SPiRiT writes through me.
i am not saying, by any means, that I have been faithful to God in EVERY single thing these past four months.
but GOD has showed up. and worked MiRACLES.
it is so hard to put all of our trust in God when we can't know whether or not things will happen the way we expect them to and give us what we DESiRE.
OR, more than that.
what we think SHOULD happen.
EXPECTATIONS.
THiS, is where I began to struggle.
you see, recently, in my quiet time with God...
i have begun to pray that i die to myself and the ways of this world...
every day.
and EVERY DAY, i have begun to pray and seek to live out
HIS WiLL only.
my fleshly desires are not what the Lord desires for me.
not because He doesn't want me to be SATiSFiED, FULL, and FULL OF JOY.
rather...
because HE DESiRES better for ME.
HiS DAUGHTER.
before i started full time at HiGHLANDS COLLEGE, i placed expectations on the LORD.
HE VERY QUiCKLY became...
less good, less faithful or less powerful...
when things didn't go my WAY.
why? because i placed my trust and faith in HiM on my CiRCUMSTANCES.
i placed EXPECTATiONS on a LiMiTLESS GOD!
i have to be honest, i have had more than a few gut punching moments in this season of this BEAUTiFUL, iNCREDiBLE LiFE JESUS has blessed me with.
but my DADDY...
has never been CLOSER!
my world has been chaos this semester. A LiTTLE iNSiGHT:
NO CAR. GRiEF. HEARTBREAK. PHYSiCAL BATTLES. FiNANCiAL TROUBLE.
SERiOUSLY...iN ALL HONESTY, iT HAS BEEN TORMENT.
NONSTOP. FROM THE DEViL.
so i had two choices.
one night, about a month ago...i was just laying in my bed.
i started to cry. i had fallen down the stairs at work and was practically immobile.
something that i've never experienced in my life.
i felt hurt. alone. broken. sad. scared. confused. helpless.
you could say that all of these things led me to participate in a SLIGHT pity party.
i felt God say to me "you have two choices."
i honestly didn't feel like knowing what either one was. i was numb. it is extremely easy and effortless to fall back into a place of helplessness, hopelessness, and darkness...
if we lose sight of what our eyes should continuously be fixed on...
and that would be JESUS.
God continued to poke at me with these two choices.
"Two choices."
you can give up, or you can trust me this time, and trust me with EVERYTHING.
i sat up in my bed.
i grew up in a family where giving up was not an option.
my sisters can testify to this:
when LiFE got tough, my Earthly father would tell me to "pull myself up by my bootstraps"...
AND WALK ON.
i decided, in a period of despair, discouragement, pain, and repentance, that I would turn the little stuff over to JESUS just as i had with the BIG STUFF.
why, the Holy SPiRiT began to question in my heart...
did i think it was okay to believe and trust that JESUS had all of the big "iSSUES" in my life handled...
but was so resistant to trust that He would be faithful in the small, trivial, quite ANNOYiNG problems of EVERY DAY LiFE?
because to be honest, and this is STRiCTLY my OPiNiON...
the unexpected passing of my mother...well, it was a gut punch...
but what ultimately led me to this place of doubting, no trust, and questioning the LORDS goodness and faithfulness...
well those were the small things. the trivial, every day, constant things that happen in this LiFE of ours...
that i really believe satan uses to slowly, over time, take us further away from GOD each day...
until we realize we're in a place that we never thought we would be.
you know, up until quite recently, and I'm talking about...within a month...
i doubted GOD for how faithful He was because i truly believe He would bring me to a place where i wouldn't have any TROUBLES!
yes.25. a full time ministry school student.engaged in the word of God.believing His truths...
and yet, wishing God would bring me to a place with no troubles.
you may be thinking...really? does she know the BiBLE?!
john 16:33.
GOD does NOT promise us a LiFE with no trouble!
"i have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. in the world you will have TROUBLE; but TAKE HEART, i have overcome the WORLD."
why was it so hard for me to rest in THiS;
the UNFAiLiNG, TRUE, PROMiSiNG;
word of my DADDY.
the SiMPLEST reason i can think of is the unstopping, never ending thwarts the ENEMY is constantly throwing at me.
i got caught up in a "why me" ATTiTUDE.
can i tell everybody something?
iNSTEAD of focusing on a WHY ME ATTiTUDE...
we should adapt, (humbly) of course a "WHY NOT ME" ATTiTUDE!
we ALL know what God SAYS about us, what He DESiRES for US, and what He PROMiSES to FULFiLL in our LiVES!
i've heard people say this over and over and time and time again...
if the ENEMY is attacking you left and right, you must be doing huge things for the LORD.
HE'S AFRAiD.
and just like a little child, he is pulling our hair, pinching us, kicking us, and biting us hoping that we will be devastated and respond to it.
i'll just close with this.
the ENEMY doesn't WiN. God tells us that.
SO WHY, AS GODS CHiLDREN, SHOULDN'T WE LiVE, WALK, AND KEEP OUR FAiTH iNVESTED iN THAT TRUTH?!
GOD has proved Himself faithful to ME.
More than that, HE has loved me when i didn't deserve it.
HE COMES THROUGH. HE GiVES ANSWERS. HE HEALS. HE MAKES GOOD ON HiS WORD AND PROMiSE TO US...
always. ALL OF THE TiME.
that night, i vowed to be His SOLDiER. to let Him FiGHT FOR AND SPEAK FOR ME.
i will not doubt.
i will not doubt.
He is FOR ME.
He is FOR ME.
i trust Him.
i trust Him.
and because of Him, i will PREVAiL.
this thanksgiving season, this time in my life that seems like everything is falling apart, He holds me in the palm of His hand!
and for that, i am FAiTHFUL to HiM.
i am FOREVER FAiTHFUL.
and nothing will EVER separate me from that.
HE WiLL PROVE HiMSELF FAiTHFUL.
thank you, JESUS!
xoxo,
CAiTLiN
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
you are SOMEBODY.
i picked up my mothers old bible yesterday for the first time since she passed away.
i started to think of all the times that Jesus consumed me and swept me up into His arms of mercy and grace...
me. an undeserving sinner.
as i flipped through it, i smelled it. i smelled her. i felt her.
i felt her presence.
i started to weep.
on the first page, i read my mothers writing...
something that pierced my heart, and brought me to uncontrollable tears.
written 13 years ago, my mother had written the words...
"i am somebody."
sadness began to overcome me.
in all of my life, i had always let my hurt, heartbreak, bitterness and anger cloud the thoughts of my mother.
i never treated her like anybody. in fact, i treated her lesser than anybody.
reading her writing, her answered prayers, and her unspoken thoughts yesterday brought me to a place i never thought i would be.
there is no worse feeling than knowing you added nothing but negative, nothing but hurt, nothing but hate to somebody's life.
reading her words, sitting there, hysterical, in both my mother and Gods presence, i began to repent for the way i treated her. for my lack of love and support towards her.
i really called out to Jesus and asked for His forgiveness.
i started to think of all the times that Jesus consumed me and swept me up into His arms of mercy and grace...
me. an undeserving sinner.
it's a scary place to be when you're consumed by the mind games the enemy plays in your mind.
it's a very scary place.
he can bring you somewhere you don't ever want to be and keep you there for way longer than you ever wanted to stay. if you give him that control.
you see, we don't consciously hand over the keys to our mind to him. but if we entertain the smallest feeling of guilt, shame, anger, or hatred, he infiltrates us until it has us trapped.
unfortunately, for me, i spent years of my life unsaved without the Lord living in a pit of despair and hate.
even more unfortunate, i believe i'm still living, after almost 2 years of being SAVED BY GRACE by the Lord in that same pit.
it's not easy to admit. in fact, it's painful. it hurts. it hurts to be truthful and it hurts deep down in my gut to face God and say to Him...
"FATHER, here i am. my words and actions are not coming from a pure heart. my heart and my very inside are clouded with confusion, fear, anger, unforgiveness, bitterness, and hatred. forgive me for feeling and acting this way towards people..."
the hard part is NOT repenting.
i believe that Jesus Christ died on a cross for my SINS.
the hard part is what we do after we repent.
okay, so, it's been 7 months since i buried my mother. 7 months.
i'm just going to say what i shouldn't say. but i'm going to say it anyway.
there was a point in my life where i felt so heartbroken and guilty for the way i treated my mother, i VOWED never to live, or walk in that way again...to never ever let my spirit get consumed with a unpure heart towards anybody ever again.
i will save you the time if you're wondering if i ever got to that point. i didn't. i haven't. and i spend hours of my day every day crucifying myself for not getting there faster, or being kinder to others.
the last two months of my life have been, without a doubt, the hardest, emotionally overwhelming months of my entire life.
in fact, i will be as bold as saying that i have never felt lower than i do right now. that's including burying my mother.
i pierce my heart and my mind with questions: WHY? WHY? WHY?
for months, i have waited for answers.
for months, i have begged for answers to fall from Heaven and for GOD to answer me.
They haven't.
He hasn't.
and then: i got an answer. not even from somebody pouring into me in an intimate conversation. not directly from God.
i overheard somebody say something and i knew that the holy spirit meant for me to hear...but spoke to me. loudly. and clearly.
it was followed and confirmed, then, in the last past couple of days by two people.
WAIT. rest in God, and wait. trust Him and wait. He will never trust you with the big things if He can't trust you with the little things. WAIT.
you see, when i read my mothers written words of such innocence, such desperation, such a pure heart, something began to dig at me.
i wanted to be delivered, healed, restored, and pieced together immediately. overnight.
i wanted to be healed of all of my pain so i could get closer to god and love other people more.
when really, even now, still, to this day...
that's NOT how it's going.
and my mighty counselor has spoken only these words to me:
before ANY of this...
you must get closer to your Daddy.
let Him love.
let Him restore.
trust His timing.
wait on Him.
the Bible says He desires to lavish His love on ME.
it's time to accept that.
and let Him do it.
i believe that i got so torn up when i read my mothers written words because the enemy has kept me from really believing that i am somebody, too.
he has kept me in bondage and kept my heart broken, and mind in fear, insecurity and isolation for WAY TOO LONG.
you see, in this last couple of weeks, I haven't been open to hearing what God REALLY wants for me. what the Spirit is really telling me to do.
the devil makes waiting seem like the worst thing in the world.
but really...
i know, deep down, that this gut wrenching feeling of being torn inside out and upside down, it is the right feeling.
that being enclosed in the lowest of lows...
must mean that i am on the verge of a spiritual breakthrough.
it is incredibly painful to reveal myself to GOD, to others, sometimes even to be honest to myself.
but why? God is MY FATHER.
I, am His creation.
HIS.
HIS.
HIS.
He knows everything. My thoughts, my heart, my feelings, my body, from the INSIDE OUT.
He has already revealed Himself to me in ways that are unexplainable.
It is time to do the two things I have just simply refused to do...
LET GO.
AND LET HIM LOVE ME.
and to wait.
WAIT. on HIM. WAIT.
i am somebody. i have a purpose, a calling, and a God who can melt a hard of stone and break walls down.
and what i've failed to realize, and perhaps what I believe my mother failed to realize as well, is that healing...
it doesn't come overnight.
restoration...
it doesn't come overnight.
melting a hardened heart...
it doesn't come overnight.
NONE of these things happen overnight.
but GOD COMES.
as quickly as i run to Him.
HE COMES.
AS QUICKLY AS I LIFT MY VOICE.
HE COMES.
it starts with Him.
i am somebody.
in His eyes.
i am somebody.
and knowing that, believing that, and WAITING, every day, waiting patiently on Him...
it will come.
falling on my knees in front of Him, bearing my soul to Him, crying out to my Daddy, letting my soul become immersed in His love...will help me to love and be loved by others.
one day at a time.
HE BRINGS THE DEAD TO LIFE.
HE BRINGS THE DEAD TO LIFE.
HE BRINGS THE DEAD TO LIFE.
lord jesus, thank you for your presence, God, in every moment that I call on you. God, i come to you laying all of my struggles and confusion down at the bottom of the cross, Lord. Help me to remember that you are Savior to the lowly ones, the hope of the World, God, that you are sovereign, that you are good, that you are faithful and that you are MIGHTY to help me overcome any battle or struggle that comes my way, Jesus. Lord on the days where my unbelief and independence begin to take over, Lord God I beg your Holy Spirit to come out, God, and be my mighty counselor, Jesus, to remind me that you have conquered it all, God and that you are good. Help me to die to my fleshly and worldly desires and self, God and to trust in you in this time of waiting God. Lord give me patience, God and an overwhelming abundance of trust and discernment, God, let you be my first source each and every day and help me to just put my trust in you, God. Hear my cries, let me run to you for help God, every day, Lord Jesus, come and be my strength each morning, help me to place my fears, anxieties, hurts and pains of the past at the foot of the Cross and place my heart in your hands, exactly where it needs to be, Jesus. Invade my life, God, on the days where I don't seek you, Lord Jesus, make yourself known, visible and good on the days where my mind is clouded with the things and worries of this world. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for your love and mercy, God, for pouring it on such an undeserving sinner as myself. I love you Lord. All of my honor and praise goes to you, Father. In JESUS name,
AMEN.
xoxox,
caitlin
it's a very scary place.
he can bring you somewhere you don't ever want to be and keep you there for way longer than you ever wanted to stay. if you give him that control.
you see, we don't consciously hand over the keys to our mind to him. but if we entertain the smallest feeling of guilt, shame, anger, or hatred, he infiltrates us until it has us trapped.
unfortunately, for me, i spent years of my life unsaved without the Lord living in a pit of despair and hate.
even more unfortunate, i believe i'm still living, after almost 2 years of being SAVED BY GRACE by the Lord in that same pit.
it's not easy to admit. in fact, it's painful. it hurts. it hurts to be truthful and it hurts deep down in my gut to face God and say to Him...
"FATHER, here i am. my words and actions are not coming from a pure heart. my heart and my very inside are clouded with confusion, fear, anger, unforgiveness, bitterness, and hatred. forgive me for feeling and acting this way towards people..."
the hard part is NOT repenting.
i believe that Jesus Christ died on a cross for my SINS.
the hard part is what we do after we repent.
okay, so, it's been 7 months since i buried my mother. 7 months.
i'm just going to say what i shouldn't say. but i'm going to say it anyway.
there was a point in my life where i felt so heartbroken and guilty for the way i treated my mother, i VOWED never to live, or walk in that way again...to never ever let my spirit get consumed with a unpure heart towards anybody ever again.
i will save you the time if you're wondering if i ever got to that point. i didn't. i haven't. and i spend hours of my day every day crucifying myself for not getting there faster, or being kinder to others.
the last two months of my life have been, without a doubt, the hardest, emotionally overwhelming months of my entire life.
in fact, i will be as bold as saying that i have never felt lower than i do right now. that's including burying my mother.
i pierce my heart and my mind with questions: WHY? WHY? WHY?
for months, i have waited for answers.
for months, i have begged for answers to fall from Heaven and for GOD to answer me.
They haven't.
He hasn't.
and then: i got an answer. not even from somebody pouring into me in an intimate conversation. not directly from God.
i overheard somebody say something and i knew that the holy spirit meant for me to hear...but spoke to me. loudly. and clearly.
it was followed and confirmed, then, in the last past couple of days by two people.
WAIT. rest in God, and wait. trust Him and wait. He will never trust you with the big things if He can't trust you with the little things. WAIT.
you see, when i read my mothers written words of such innocence, such desperation, such a pure heart, something began to dig at me.
i wanted to be delivered, healed, restored, and pieced together immediately. overnight.
i wanted to be healed of all of my pain so i could get closer to god and love other people more.
when really, even now, still, to this day...
that's NOT how it's going.
and my mighty counselor has spoken only these words to me:
before ANY of this...
you must get closer to your Daddy.
let Him love.
let Him restore.
trust His timing.
wait on Him.
the Bible says He desires to lavish His love on ME.
it's time to accept that.
and let Him do it.
i believe that i got so torn up when i read my mothers written words because the enemy has kept me from really believing that i am somebody, too.
he has kept me in bondage and kept my heart broken, and mind in fear, insecurity and isolation for WAY TOO LONG.
you see, in this last couple of weeks, I haven't been open to hearing what God REALLY wants for me. what the Spirit is really telling me to do.
the devil makes waiting seem like the worst thing in the world.
but really...
i know, deep down, that this gut wrenching feeling of being torn inside out and upside down, it is the right feeling.
that being enclosed in the lowest of lows...
must mean that i am on the verge of a spiritual breakthrough.
it is incredibly painful to reveal myself to GOD, to others, sometimes even to be honest to myself.
but why? God is MY FATHER.
I, am His creation.
HIS.
HIS.
HIS.
He knows everything. My thoughts, my heart, my feelings, my body, from the INSIDE OUT.
He has already revealed Himself to me in ways that are unexplainable.
It is time to do the two things I have just simply refused to do...
LET GO.
AND LET HIM LOVE ME.
and to wait.
WAIT. on HIM. WAIT.
i am somebody. i have a purpose, a calling, and a God who can melt a hard of stone and break walls down.
and what i've failed to realize, and perhaps what I believe my mother failed to realize as well, is that healing...
it doesn't come overnight.
restoration...
it doesn't come overnight.
melting a hardened heart...
it doesn't come overnight.
NONE of these things happen overnight.
but GOD COMES.
as quickly as i run to Him.
HE COMES.
AS QUICKLY AS I LIFT MY VOICE.
HE COMES.
it starts with Him.
i am somebody.
in His eyes.
i am somebody.
and knowing that, believing that, and WAITING, every day, waiting patiently on Him...
it will come.
falling on my knees in front of Him, bearing my soul to Him, crying out to my Daddy, letting my soul become immersed in His love...will help me to love and be loved by others.
one day at a time.
HE BRINGS THE DEAD TO LIFE.
HE BRINGS THE DEAD TO LIFE.
HE BRINGS THE DEAD TO LIFE.
lord jesus, thank you for your presence, God, in every moment that I call on you. God, i come to you laying all of my struggles and confusion down at the bottom of the cross, Lord. Help me to remember that you are Savior to the lowly ones, the hope of the World, God, that you are sovereign, that you are good, that you are faithful and that you are MIGHTY to help me overcome any battle or struggle that comes my way, Jesus. Lord on the days where my unbelief and independence begin to take over, Lord God I beg your Holy Spirit to come out, God, and be my mighty counselor, Jesus, to remind me that you have conquered it all, God and that you are good. Help me to die to my fleshly and worldly desires and self, God and to trust in you in this time of waiting God. Lord give me patience, God and an overwhelming abundance of trust and discernment, God, let you be my first source each and every day and help me to just put my trust in you, God. Hear my cries, let me run to you for help God, every day, Lord Jesus, come and be my strength each morning, help me to place my fears, anxieties, hurts and pains of the past at the foot of the Cross and place my heart in your hands, exactly where it needs to be, Jesus. Invade my life, God, on the days where I don't seek you, Lord Jesus, make yourself known, visible and good on the days where my mind is clouded with the things and worries of this world. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for your love and mercy, God, for pouring it on such an undeserving sinner as myself. I love you Lord. All of my honor and praise goes to you, Father. In JESUS name,
AMEN.
xoxox,
caitlin
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
21 days of P R A Y E R.
Last Monday kicked off 21 days of prayer at Church of the Highlands.
in two years of attending HiGHLANDS and after a semester of HiGHLANDS COLLEGE under my belt, i had never attended this before.
i believe it was a divine appointment from the Lord (anybody who knows me knows i am crazy about Gods timing!)
going into full time Highlands College in just a few short weeks, leading a small group for the first time, i had been talking to the Holy Spirit about help in prayer.
not just helping me to pray more, but a prayer life where I would really be ENCOUNTERiNG God and speaking relationally to HiM.
praying for MiRACLES.
PRAYING for HEALiNG.
PRAYING for ENCOUNTERS.
PRAYING for SALVATION.
and BELIEVING JESUS FOR ALL OF THESE.
iN the power of HiS name.
ONE where i would, at all times, BOLDY approach my KiNGS throne and OPEN UP THE GATES OF HEAVEN WITH MY PRAYER!
a big desire for me, a girl who, thought prayer was the LAMEST thing ever before my CHRiST days.
it HURTS to say, but it was true.
in FACT, i believe three people prayed continuously for my salvation, and without those prayers, i honestly can say i'm not quite sure if i would be where i AM had it not been for those.
three E S S E N T i A L, BOLD, GOD SEEKING people praying for my SALVATION, praying me OUT of darkness, into His MARVELOUS light!
praying, and praying every minute, every day.
the first: my nana. {from the moment i was born. and is praying, without ceasing, every day.}
the second: my uncle Ken. {one post it note, praying over it DAILY, weeks before my salvation.}
the last: an ex boyfriend. {who has helped me more than he will ever care to know. who took a chance on a girl and prayed for my salvation. who brought me to church, bought me my first BiBLE, and lastly, prayed with me, for me, and rallied for others to pray for me as well.}
my view on prayer changed...well, in spite of sounding cliche, the day i realized it WORKED.
my uncle ken, a month after i moved down to alabama, approached me after a night filled with just ranting and anger and all of emotions spilling out everywhere. He spoke about the Lord here and there, but had never really pushed.
about to leave his house, he called me into His room. without any words, he simply pointed to a tall wooden Cross covered in post its, notecards, pieces of paper. He started talking and said just a few words:
"i'd like to pray for you. if you'd like to, write your name down on this notecard and i will pray over it every day. you can write whatever you want."
just as bold, i stared back into his eyes, empty, not knowing what to say. Nobody, had ever offered to pray for me before. In typical stubborn, earthly fashion, i looked back at him, puzzled, and asked, "WHY?"
"he looked back at me more puzzled than me if at all possible, and said, "i'd just like to."
he left the room and i sat there. a post it note in my hand, and a pen. i looked at the Cross. i read the 10 commandments next to it. puzzled, i sat there. i wasn't even sure i believed in God, what did i say? what was i supposed to say?
i didn't know. and then before i knew it, i scribbled down something, and my name, and walked out.
ny uncle Ken testifies that He didn't realize i had written my name down and pinned it up until several days later.
he says when he saw it, it drew him to tears.
more than a year later, my uncle showed up to our family reunion with two pictures:
one of the ten commandments, and the other...a picture of my post it note on the Cross- more than a year later and there it was:
CAiTLiN ANN RiTCHiE.
*help me find my way in life.
seeing it, not ever knowing that i had written that was one of the most intense encounters with God i have ever had, an encounter that in that moment, changed my perspective on PRAYER, forever.
Not only does God hear prayers, but He ANSWERS!
STILL, i lacked a super emotional connection in my prayer life with the Lord, i longed to be so connected with HiM that i would pray without ceasing.
so i prayed about my prayer LiFE. i asked others to cover me as well.
i vowed to my closest friends for WiSDOM to teach to me some of their strengths, and for my strengths to be available to them, as well.
a great example of a prayer warrior is my friend stephanie.
she is a true, Godly example of somebody who prays without ceasing. Who knows God and is incredibly in tune with the Holy Spirit.
i wasn't sure what to expect on the start of the 21 days of prayer.
this first week and two days has EXCEEDED all of my expectations.
i am not a morning person. i need coffee. and more coffee. and coffee. i talked myself up that getting up at 5AM is the least that I could do for God, after ALL that he has done, given up, and has sacrificed for me...
Monday morning I arrive at Highlands. what i experienced is unlike anything i ever have.
the most incredible encounter with the Lord. praying out loud, walking around, words and scripture that i didn't even know i KNEW!
the power of the Holy Spirit came over me and i began to pray for things and people that i would never, consciously, on a day to day basis normally pray about.
and then, today, on day 5 of 21 days of prayer, a revelation hit.
Mark Pettus was speaking and said something that convicted me, and set a fire down in my soul.
"pray like you really believe it's going to happen. God is in the business of doing miracles and you have the authority, have the boldness to approach his throne and everything you ask for will be given to you!"
a wise child of God prays for GODS will on Earth as it is in Heaven. Not in vain. Not as a last resort.
the first thing they do, and the thing they do most often: PRAY!
talk to GOD. BODLY! OPENLY! UNAFRAID! BARE! BROKEN!
these last few days have changed my life in a...well, in a simple, but quite complicated way.
anybody who knows me knows that divine appointments are my favorite. Gods timing is impeccable, it is incredible, it is breathtaking.
sunday morning, tommy barnett, matthew barnett from the dream center's father, came to speak at Highlands.
what happened there was a HOLY SPIRIT throw down inside of me.
Tommy began to speak on our needs and how God knows exactly what they are before we come to Him. He spoke about having the confidence to go to God with our greatest needs, no matter how weak it may make us seem. Finally, he said to really search inside of ourselves and tell God...and EXPECT him to answer!
in my head, i'm 50% there. prayer that first week began to change my heart and soften it for other people. it drew me closer to the Lord in worship, truth, and His word. for other people.
still, i wasn't submitting MY requests to God. Somehow, the enemy keeps a stronghold on the people in Gods kingdom and tells us lies that to pray for ourselves is SELFISH.
that's a lie i chose to believe for a long time. it trapped me in my own mind and confused me. honestly, i believed that it delayed many blessings and a closeness with God from me for a long time.
sunday morning, my heart began to weigh heavily and i felt a conviction inside from the Holy Spirit. something began to stir inside.
i began to argue with God, as i sometimes do.
i get fidgety and like to avoid topics when i'm uncomfortable. all of my friends and close family know this.
after my mother passed away, i buried how i felt, deep down inside. kept a smile on my face and kept life "light" because it's short. and you should enjoy it.
and that's true. but there is also a time, a time of seriousness, of quietness, of boldness, of honesty, and honor...that should be spent with God. and it should be spent DAILY.
i began to turn my head and ignore what was really going on inside of me. and here it was. here's the truth.
i'm terrified to go to God in prayer and ask for what i really need in my life. and what i
really,
honestly,
truly,
desperately
need in my life, is a miracle.
healing.
restoration.
wholeness.
in my heart.
and then, the Holy Spirit convicted me and Pastor Tommy said, "nobody has a right to live in self pity when there is so much hurt in the world."
that was it for me. i lost control.
it's easy for the enemy to lie about selfish desires to pray for ourselves and present our needs to the Father....
but it is altogether different when we selfishly choose self pity.
"but God, NOBODY understands how i feel."
"I can never get over this."
"She's gone, and nothing can bring her back."
"I'm fine, I'm strong, I can do this on my own."
"Nothing can lift me out of this depression."
every single word of all of those is a LIE.
God brought a word to me on Sunday.
i cannot fulfill my GOD GiVEN purpose in this world until i submit to Him and come before Him with what i need. in prayer.
in honesty.
broken.
in faith.
in power.
in hope.
b a r e.
the truth is, God is in the business of working miracles. He is sovereign. He is healer. And He, makes good on His promises.
it's only been a week and two days.
and i have been wrecked by the Spirit more every day.
it isn't easy, it isn't fun, it isn't simple to throw ourselves at the Cross at our weakest and allow God to dig deep inside and clean us out.
To let Him cleanse us.
SANCTiFY.
Heal.
RESTORE.
Redeem.
and honestly, it has taken some miraculous ways of the Lord to capture my attention and bring me to a place of constant prayer, solid trust, and unbreakable faith.
He has TAKEN everything from me, brought me to my knees to a place where trusting in HiM is the ONLY thing i have.
i stand in awe, i stand amazed, i learn more every day.
i grow closer to Him every day. i fall deeper and deeper in His presence and cling to the hope of restoration and healing in my life, in my heart, in my relationships.
and i have found this all in simple prayer.
the power of speaking to Him.
the name of Jesus.
the healing that comes.
the blood that covers.
prayer...
iT BROUGHT ME TO SALVATiON.
iT HAS LED ME TO MY KNEES.
iT HAS BROUGHT TEARS.
iT HAS COVERED MY PAiN.
iT HAS SOFTENED MY HEART FOR OTHERS.
iT IS BRiNGiNG ME HEALiNG...
MiNUTE BY MiNUTE...
DAY BY DAY.
i am incredible grateful for my relationship with Jesus. For my incredible Pastor and my Highlands Family. For my Highlands College family. For my family and friends, those saved and those unsaved. For everything that my God has provided, is providing, and promises to provide. For unbreakable faith. For this incredible journey of 21 days...and all that is stirring inside of my heart.
Until next time,
XOXO
CAiTLiN
in two years of attending HiGHLANDS and after a semester of HiGHLANDS COLLEGE under my belt, i had never attended this before.
i believe it was a divine appointment from the Lord (anybody who knows me knows i am crazy about Gods timing!)
going into full time Highlands College in just a few short weeks, leading a small group for the first time, i had been talking to the Holy Spirit about help in prayer.
not just helping me to pray more, but a prayer life where I would really be ENCOUNTERiNG God and speaking relationally to HiM.
praying for MiRACLES.
PRAYING for HEALiNG.
PRAYING for ENCOUNTERS.
PRAYING for SALVATION.
and BELIEVING JESUS FOR ALL OF THESE.
iN the power of HiS name.
ONE where i would, at all times, BOLDY approach my KiNGS throne and OPEN UP THE GATES OF HEAVEN WITH MY PRAYER!
a big desire for me, a girl who, thought prayer was the LAMEST thing ever before my CHRiST days.
it HURTS to say, but it was true.
in FACT, i believe three people prayed continuously for my salvation, and without those prayers, i honestly can say i'm not quite sure if i would be where i AM had it not been for those.
three E S S E N T i A L, BOLD, GOD SEEKING people praying for my SALVATION, praying me OUT of darkness, into His MARVELOUS light!
praying, and praying every minute, every day.
the first: my nana. {from the moment i was born. and is praying, without ceasing, every day.}
the second: my uncle Ken. {one post it note, praying over it DAILY, weeks before my salvation.}
the last: an ex boyfriend. {who has helped me more than he will ever care to know. who took a chance on a girl and prayed for my salvation. who brought me to church, bought me my first BiBLE, and lastly, prayed with me, for me, and rallied for others to pray for me as well.}
my view on prayer changed...well, in spite of sounding cliche, the day i realized it WORKED.
my uncle ken, a month after i moved down to alabama, approached me after a night filled with just ranting and anger and all of emotions spilling out everywhere. He spoke about the Lord here and there, but had never really pushed.
about to leave his house, he called me into His room. without any words, he simply pointed to a tall wooden Cross covered in post its, notecards, pieces of paper. He started talking and said just a few words:
"i'd like to pray for you. if you'd like to, write your name down on this notecard and i will pray over it every day. you can write whatever you want."
just as bold, i stared back into his eyes, empty, not knowing what to say. Nobody, had ever offered to pray for me before. In typical stubborn, earthly fashion, i looked back at him, puzzled, and asked, "WHY?"
"he looked back at me more puzzled than me if at all possible, and said, "i'd just like to."
he left the room and i sat there. a post it note in my hand, and a pen. i looked at the Cross. i read the 10 commandments next to it. puzzled, i sat there. i wasn't even sure i believed in God, what did i say? what was i supposed to say?
i didn't know. and then before i knew it, i scribbled down something, and my name, and walked out.
ny uncle Ken testifies that He didn't realize i had written my name down and pinned it up until several days later.
he says when he saw it, it drew him to tears.
more than a year later, my uncle showed up to our family reunion with two pictures:
one of the ten commandments, and the other...a picture of my post it note on the Cross- more than a year later and there it was:
CAiTLiN ANN RiTCHiE.
*help me find my way in life.
seeing it, not ever knowing that i had written that was one of the most intense encounters with God i have ever had, an encounter that in that moment, changed my perspective on PRAYER, forever.
Not only does God hear prayers, but He ANSWERS!
STILL, i lacked a super emotional connection in my prayer life with the Lord, i longed to be so connected with HiM that i would pray without ceasing.
so i prayed about my prayer LiFE. i asked others to cover me as well.
i vowed to my closest friends for WiSDOM to teach to me some of their strengths, and for my strengths to be available to them, as well.
a great example of a prayer warrior is my friend stephanie.
she is a true, Godly example of somebody who prays without ceasing. Who knows God and is incredibly in tune with the Holy Spirit.
i wasn't sure what to expect on the start of the 21 days of prayer.
this first week and two days has EXCEEDED all of my expectations.
i am not a morning person. i need coffee. and more coffee. and coffee. i talked myself up that getting up at 5AM is the least that I could do for God, after ALL that he has done, given up, and has sacrificed for me...
Monday morning I arrive at Highlands. what i experienced is unlike anything i ever have.
the most incredible encounter with the Lord. praying out loud, walking around, words and scripture that i didn't even know i KNEW!
the power of the Holy Spirit came over me and i began to pray for things and people that i would never, consciously, on a day to day basis normally pray about.
and then, today, on day 5 of 21 days of prayer, a revelation hit.
Mark Pettus was speaking and said something that convicted me, and set a fire down in my soul.
"pray like you really believe it's going to happen. God is in the business of doing miracles and you have the authority, have the boldness to approach his throne and everything you ask for will be given to you!"
a wise child of God prays for GODS will on Earth as it is in Heaven. Not in vain. Not as a last resort.
the first thing they do, and the thing they do most often: PRAY!
talk to GOD. BODLY! OPENLY! UNAFRAID! BARE! BROKEN!
these last few days have changed my life in a...well, in a simple, but quite complicated way.
anybody who knows me knows that divine appointments are my favorite. Gods timing is impeccable, it is incredible, it is breathtaking.
sunday morning, tommy barnett, matthew barnett from the dream center's father, came to speak at Highlands.
what happened there was a HOLY SPIRIT throw down inside of me.
Tommy began to speak on our needs and how God knows exactly what they are before we come to Him. He spoke about having the confidence to go to God with our greatest needs, no matter how weak it may make us seem. Finally, he said to really search inside of ourselves and tell God...and EXPECT him to answer!
in my head, i'm 50% there. prayer that first week began to change my heart and soften it for other people. it drew me closer to the Lord in worship, truth, and His word. for other people.
still, i wasn't submitting MY requests to God. Somehow, the enemy keeps a stronghold on the people in Gods kingdom and tells us lies that to pray for ourselves is SELFISH.
that's a lie i chose to believe for a long time. it trapped me in my own mind and confused me. honestly, i believed that it delayed many blessings and a closeness with God from me for a long time.
sunday morning, my heart began to weigh heavily and i felt a conviction inside from the Holy Spirit. something began to stir inside.
i began to argue with God, as i sometimes do.
i get fidgety and like to avoid topics when i'm uncomfortable. all of my friends and close family know this.
after my mother passed away, i buried how i felt, deep down inside. kept a smile on my face and kept life "light" because it's short. and you should enjoy it.
and that's true. but there is also a time, a time of seriousness, of quietness, of boldness, of honesty, and honor...that should be spent with God. and it should be spent DAILY.
i began to turn my head and ignore what was really going on inside of me. and here it was. here's the truth.
i'm terrified to go to God in prayer and ask for what i really need in my life. and what i
really,
honestly,
truly,
desperately
need in my life, is a miracle.
healing.
restoration.
wholeness.
in my heart.
and then, the Holy Spirit convicted me and Pastor Tommy said, "nobody has a right to live in self pity when there is so much hurt in the world."
that was it for me. i lost control.
it's easy for the enemy to lie about selfish desires to pray for ourselves and present our needs to the Father....
but it is altogether different when we selfishly choose self pity.
"but God, NOBODY understands how i feel."
"I can never get over this."
"She's gone, and nothing can bring her back."
"I'm fine, I'm strong, I can do this on my own."
"Nothing can lift me out of this depression."
every single word of all of those is a LIE.
God brought a word to me on Sunday.
i cannot fulfill my GOD GiVEN purpose in this world until i submit to Him and come before Him with what i need. in prayer.
in honesty.
broken.
in faith.
in power.
in hope.
b a r e.
the truth is, God is in the business of working miracles. He is sovereign. He is healer. And He, makes good on His promises.
it's only been a week and two days.
and i have been wrecked by the Spirit more every day.
it isn't easy, it isn't fun, it isn't simple to throw ourselves at the Cross at our weakest and allow God to dig deep inside and clean us out.
To let Him cleanse us.
SANCTiFY.
Heal.
RESTORE.
Redeem.
and honestly, it has taken some miraculous ways of the Lord to capture my attention and bring me to a place of constant prayer, solid trust, and unbreakable faith.
He has TAKEN everything from me, brought me to my knees to a place where trusting in HiM is the ONLY thing i have.
i stand in awe, i stand amazed, i learn more every day.
i grow closer to Him every day. i fall deeper and deeper in His presence and cling to the hope of restoration and healing in my life, in my heart, in my relationships.
and i have found this all in simple prayer.
the power of speaking to Him.
the name of Jesus.
the healing that comes.
the blood that covers.
prayer...
iT BROUGHT ME TO SALVATiON.
iT HAS LED ME TO MY KNEES.
iT HAS BROUGHT TEARS.
iT HAS COVERED MY PAiN.
iT HAS SOFTENED MY HEART FOR OTHERS.
iT IS BRiNGiNG ME HEALiNG...
MiNUTE BY MiNUTE...
DAY BY DAY.
i am incredible grateful for my relationship with Jesus. For my incredible Pastor and my Highlands Family. For my Highlands College family. For my family and friends, those saved and those unsaved. For everything that my God has provided, is providing, and promises to provide. For unbreakable faith. For this incredible journey of 21 days...and all that is stirring inside of my heart.
Until next time,
XOXO
CAiTLiN
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