to YOU.

i don't normally do this. but this blog is dedicated SPECIFICALLY to all of the people battling illness & disease. i pray it encourages you. i pray it brings breath back to your lungs and refreshes your soul. this transparency. these words. they are for YOU.

i don't like limits. i don't like to be boxed in.

that's why it was hard for me to write this to a specific group of people. "sick" people.

but after the 48 hours i had, a lot of arguing with God and ultimate surrender, here i am.

i don't like putting specific titles on what i write or whom write it to... because it seems almost as if i'm saying, "i know what i'm talking about." and i don't. i don't really know. 

all i have are my experiences and a burning desire to write them out...

and heart of expectation that those words written will fall deeply into the hearts of the very people who need to read them.

no. i don't really know what i'm talking about. but i know what i feel.  i know what i've been through. i know what God has spoken to me and what He has called me to do. so THIS, is to YOU.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

dear you,

i know you. i don't personally know you, but we have something in common. 

you battle with fighting a disease. 

and so do i.


i'm not quite sure what led you here, but you're here and that's what matters.

friend, i know you're struggling. you may be at your breaking point. i won't take too much of your time. 

daily, you are being stripped of your strength. 

mentally, you feel defeated.

spiritually, you are challenged. maybe you're confused.

physically, you are in pain. you are weak. you are sick. you are tired. and you are tired from being sick. and tired.


me too.

for over a year now, i have battled chronic illness. i have had positive blood tests telling me that my body is infiltrated with infections. i've been told that MAYBE they will go dormant, but that they will never be gone. i have gone from being bed ridden, to fully functioning, to worn down again, to feeling okay, to feeling awful...and so the roller coaster continues.

i have ridden the roller coaster for what feels like so long now that i've become immune to feeling the way i feel.

and today, i woke up and tried to remember the last day my body felt at one hundred percent. i frantically searched my brain to try to remember and experience again, the days where i felt NO pain, where i carried NO disease and had NO diagnosis that most days, feels much like a dream killer, lingering over me...

i tried to remember the days where my brain wasn't so full of fog and i didn't get lost on familiar roads that i've driven thousands of times.

i tried to remember. but i couldn't.

maybe you identify. maybe it's cancer. maybe it was gone and now it's back. perhaps it's diabetes. maybe it's an autoimmune disease or maybe, like me, it's lyme disease and chronic infection.

whatever it is, it doesn't matter. you are living with it. that is a reality.

most days it's easy to cover up. my defense mechanism has slowly become "look good, feel good." (i know, but it's the fashionista in me.)

because if you look good on the outside, obviously nobody will suspect you feel awful on the inside. (these are called walls. and they are not good.)

yes, truthfully, being ill has become much of my identity, although i fight pretty hard to keep it out.

i didn't write to all of you to bring us together so we can all have a pity party about what we battle.

no, quite the opposite. i write to you because i want you to know that THIS {whatever IT is} DOES NOT define who you are.

if i'm being honest, i'll just say that over the past few months, the battle has led me down to some pretty dark places.

disease, it does something to you.

it sounds silly for me to say, but it's true. 

it has destroyed my self confidence. it has tainted my view of myself and how my Father views me. 

it has made me feel helpless. it has made me feel hopeless. it has led to utter moments of despair.

it has spoken worthlessness over me in a way like i've never experienced.

it has led me to feel ashamed of who i am and what i am going through.

it has led me to, sometimes, become really angry at God. (by the way, God is a big kid. He can handle you being angry at him.)

yesterday i sat and cried. ugly cried. really, really ugly cried. it really wasn't pretty. but it really needed to happen.

i replayed questions over and over and over and over in my head.

"will this ever go away?'

 "will i ever be healthy again?" 

"how will i EVER be able to complete what God has called me to feeling this way?" 

"am i being overdramatic?" 

"do i not have enough FAITH?" 

"why me?" 

questions then led to statements that came straight from the pit of HELL...

"i don't have the strength to FIGHT forever." 

"nobody will EVER be able to love me." 

"nobody will ever want to marry somebody who is chronically ill."

"God won't use me if i'm physically ill." 

"i don't want children because i'll pass this disease onto them and then they would resent me forever."

doesn't the above make you angry just reading them? 

it makes me angry just WRITING them, knowing that i was buying into the lie the devil was feeding me.

doubt, hurt, fear, confusion...it's not of God. and it's a LIE.

the worst thing i said? it wasn't a question.

"i won't say anything because nobody wants to listen to somebody complain about how awful they feel..."

so people ask how i feel and i just tell them i'm feeling okay or great because i don't want to "burden" anybody...with the truth of what's going on in my life? 

right, because that makes sense. and that's why God wants. (this is sarcasm. for those of you who are new to my blog, you'll se this a lot here.) 

i'm here to tell you a few things, no matter what it is you are battling.

illness is not, and never will be YOUR identity. Your identity comes from and REMAINS in JESUS and it ALWAYS will - no matter what circumstances come your way. i want you, yes, YOU, to know that.

you are NOT worthless. do you know the definition of worthless? (sorry, this is a pastor thing. i'm a nerd for definitions and origins.) 

without worth; of no use, importance, or value; 


i don't know a lot, but i KNOW that this is not what God speaks over you and i. 

he created you. he formed you. he knew you before you were born. he called you. he has equipped you. he has purposed you. 

THAT is the furthest thing from worthlessness.

HE has called you to do things only YOU can do. He called you to it and He will walk, gracefully, with you while you do it. 

YOU ARE CALLED AND PURPOSED. and it doesn't depend on your physical health.

you are not defined by your physical health. 

you are sustained by His payment for HEALING. 

he doesn't want you to silence yourself in fear for what people will think.

the truth is: you need people. i need people. they are our greatest weapon and our deepest treasure.

we don't need more medicine, we don't need more advice, or solutions, or more people telling you or i what we're doing WRONG. 

what i need on my most painful days, what i need on days where i don't think i can take one more breath, what i need on days where i just don't think i can...

is somebody who will breathe life back into me. a hug. a warm embrace with a promise that they won't walk away. 

i need the safety to know that i can be transparent and vulnerable and they won't judge me, even on my worst days.

and i'm here to tell you above all, that is what you need too.

i need someone who will lead me back to the truth and promise of who He is and what His word say when i feel beaten up, and weak, and i'm so immersed in pain that i forget. someone who will battle for me on days where i don't have the strength. 

you, yes, you, you need that too.

this will not last. i cannot speak to how long you will battle it, if and when and how your healing will come. no, those things i don't know.

but what i do know and what i can assure you is that YOU, yes. YOU. you are not alone.

He is always walking with you. 

He will carry you. He will sustain you. He will give you the courage and the strength and the hope to wake up tomorrow and face another day.

remember, sweet friend, who you are and who you belong to. 

He doesn't just give us h o p e - he is HOPE. r o m a n s 15:13

He didn't just pay for h e a l i n g - he is HEALING. i s a i a h 55

He doesn't just love us - he is the most perfect expression of L O V E. 1 j o h n 4:17

we are passing through. Heaven is our home. and if we never see healing here on this Earth, we know will we live forever | ultimately healed and whole in e t e r n i t y. 

so don't give up. 

in the meantime, God will u s e every ounce of pain, hurt, sickness and disease for His glory. h a l l e l u j a h.

you will have a glorified, perfect body someday. and you will live forever with the very One who was beaten for our wholeness. 

don't condemn yourself for your weakness. it is in the valley that our Father in Heaven does His very best work.

"Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 c o r i n t h i a n s 10:12

fix your eyes on Heaven.

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone FOREVER."r e v e l a t i o n 21:4



to you. you are not alone now.

and you will be healed one day, with him f o r e v e r.

remember, sweet friend : courage is not always a loud roar. sometimes courage is saying, "i will try again tomorrow." <3

xoxo,

CAiTLiN

the key.

this morning, i lost my keys.

well, i should say key. my house key and car key are just loose, not on a keychain. 

i've been meaning to attach them to the keychain at the bottom of my bag for well over, mmm, about 3 months now.

so really, losing my "key" was my own fault.

anybody who knows me really well knows that i don't deal well when i LOSE things.

really. i don't. in fact, confession time.

it's ugly when i lose things. even little things. 

i cry. i mean, i really cry. like, ugly cry.

you know how some people have real talent? well, i'm really talented at ugly crying. that chin, the snot, the big tears...it's unlike anything you've ever seen.

sometimes i get so frustrated i just throw myself down on the floor like a toddler. ( i know. i know. picture it. i'm sure you're laughing.)

when it's over, i ALWAYS end up laughing at myself.

everybody has things that really upset them and for me, when i can't FIND something that i NEED, it drives me bananas. 

have you ever needed to find something in order to get somewhere? 

how does it feel when you can't? 

your life feels chaotic, in disarray, right?

in a moment, your life can go from order to chaos.

i found myself running from my car (which is a complete disaster), back up to my room, (which is even more of a disaster.)

frantically, my eyes darted from left to right, skimming over piles of clothes, books, shoes, makeup, sheets, pillows.

CLUTTER. DISTRACTION.

i could see everything i DIDN'T need in that moment surrounding me, distracting me, vying for my attention.

everything i DIDN'T need in that moment covering the ONE and ONLY thing that was essential for me to have.

suddenly,  i stopped. i prayed for the Holy Spirit to help remove everything that i didn't need to be focusing on, and lead me to where my key was.

i spotted a pile of clothes out of the corner of my eye. slowly, i leaned down, and pushed them to the side.

in the middle of the floor, as if it had been waiting for me the whole time, was my little black honda civic car key.

and suddenly, i heard the spirit whisper, "there's a story here."

immediately, i knew it was a teaching moment for me. a moment i had to share with others. Jesus was dealing with me the way He always does. 

visually. in front of my eyes. through experiences, that, when had to many people, seem normal. 

but to me, displays the status of my relationship with Him.

you see, lately i've been running myself a little thin.

yes, it's true. it's confession time again. 

right now, i am in, i believe, in one of the best seasons of my life. 

but it has also been the BUSIEST.

if you've read any of my blog, you would know that i've been through several extremely difficult, HARD seasons. HEALING seasons. 

but none of those have necessarily ever been extremely BUSY. 

today, while frantically looking for my key, i was thinking about all i had to do, all of the places i needed to be, when in reality...

all i needed to do was focus on finding the one thing that could get me there.

isn't it true with God? 

i know it is for me, anyway.

how many times are we thinking about EVERYTHING else around us that needs to be done and we forget to keep our eyes fixed on the one and only ONE who can help us get there?

because i don't know about you.

but i can't do one thing without Jesus.

oh, i try sometimes. and it doesn't end well.

He TELLS us we can't do it. BUT we're human. and we get BUSY. and we FORGET. 

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." JOHN 15:5


(sidenote, aren't you THANKFUL for the Word of God? what would we do without it?!) 

if you pull a tree from it's root, everything it is purposed to accomplish will die. it won't happen.

so it is with you and i.

running on E with Jesus will always leave us doing MEDIOCRE in all He has called to do. 

the truth is, He doesn't call us to be with Him so we can go DO. He calls us to be with Him so we can just BE.

and when we tackle whatever we have to that day, we're okay because we've BEEN with Jesus. 

ever had an encounter that came out of nowhere and you hadn't been with Jesus that day?

yeah, sometimes i get in my car and i start driving without spending time with Jesus and in prayer and...i'll let you come to your own conclusions about how you think it turns out. hint: #ROADRAGE

sometimes i pick up the phone or go into a conversation WITHOUT spending time with Jesus and in prayer and...sometimes big fights explode, miscommunication happens and it ends with tears and many humbling apologies. hint: it's ALWAYS me apologizing

sometimes i start focusing on all tasks i have to do for ministry WITHOUT spending time with Jesus and in prayer and...sometimes i forget that everything i'm doing i'm doing to serve HIM and advance His Kingdom. hint: when you realize this one, it hurts.

it hurts when you realize that EVERYTHING you do has the power to glorify God - and you've lost sight of that.

"Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people." Colossians 3:23

instead, we end up in disarray, chaos, frustrated with everything we MUST do, desperately trying to find what we need to get us there, and miserably failing at finding it.

what we need, (be prepared, because this is PROFOUND. i'm talkin straight wisdom.)

what we need is JESUS.

standing there in my disaster of a room, i realized all of the things that had been distracting me while i searched for my key. and standing there, with key in hand, my mind STILL raced with lists of every little thing i HAD to do.

and then i heard my Dad say, "Hey. Love. Would you sit down and be with me?" 

i must admit, it was an enticing offer, but i looked at the mess around me, my heart still racing...

and gently, again, "would you just come? you have what you need. let everything else go." 

in my hands, i held the key that would bring me to everywhere i needed to be and help me do everything that needed to be done. i could breathe. the key was in my possession. 

the key, my friends, is JESUS. 

i quickly fell onto my bed and curled up into the fetal position. 

"Dad, there's so many distractions. I'm sorry. I'm sorry so much gets in the way of the only One I need."

and there i was. i released myself to him, surrendering my faults and shortcomings into the hands of my Heavenly Father who cares so deeply for me. 

yes, he cares so deeply that His only desire is for us to simply FIND HIM and BE WITH HIM.

this is nothing new, but i've realized on a whole new level how much Satan loves to distract us.

in the past few weeks, the heart racing, overwhelming, tears streaming fits have become more common. 

i have found myself busy and missed my Jesus.

instead of the spirit of a SOUND mind, my mind has carried NOISE.

instead of a spirit of PEACE, it's been FEAR.

instead of STILLNESS, BUSYNESS.

instead of BALANCE, CONFUSION. 

instead of FOCUS, DISTRACTION.

in the moment of falling into my Father's lap, i find everything i need. everything ELSE falls away. 

nothing else matters.

"Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of KNOWING Jesus Christ my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ and become ONE with Him."philippians 3:8-9

let go of the everything else. 

free yourself of all distraction.

because really, does anything compare to becoming One with our Savior?

"And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." PHILIPPIANS 4:8

where do we find truth? in the presence of Jesus. 

who is honorable, and right and pure? my Jesus.

who, is the most lovely and admirable that it is impossible to NOT be changed inside of His presence? Jesus.

He is worthy of our undivided attention, yes.

But even greater, He desires it. It pleases Him.

Father, forgive us for being Martha. Clear our thoughts and anxieties. Forgive our busyness. Help us to be Mary. Help us to always choose to lay at your feet and choose the BETTER thing. And thank you for never taking it away from us, even when we can't see it. 

you at the center, Jesus. Always. Less of me. More of you.

xoxo,

CAITLiN

c h a n g e d.

i've been hearing the voice of the Holy Spirit over and over and over again lately. 

i know. i know. starting out super spiritual today. 

maybe i should say it like this: God has been speaking to me about the same thing for weeks now. 

my pastor started a series called "weights" a few weeks ago. 

it covers dealing with all of the weights of life that weigh us down. 

depression. anxiety. insecurity. 

it has been incredible. and it has been confirmation. 

for the past few months, God has really been dealing with me in the area of confidence and contentment in who I am. 

he has freed me from MUCH and brought me healing in areas i never, ever thought i would be healed in.

today i opened my Bible to Matthew 3. (the MSG version, because i was just feelin' it today.)

something struck my heart so hard i just kept reading it. over and over. letting it saturate in my spirit.

"it's your life that must change, not your SKIN!...what counts is your life. Is it green and blossoming? Because if it's deadwood, it goes on the fire. i'm baptizing you here in the river, turning your old life to KINGDOM life. the real action comes next: the main character in this drama (compared to him i'm a mere stagehand)- will ignite the kingdom life within you, a fire within you, the Holy Spirit within you, changing you from the inside out. He's going to clean house- make a clean sweep of your lives. He'll place everything true in it's proper place before God; everything false he'll put out with the trash to be burned."

let's pause. i think if John and I lived during the same time, we would have been BFF'S. i know, i know, this is the paraphrased version, but he was just as straight forward when he was talking to the Pharisees and Sadducees. (trust me, i read it in three other translations, for those of you who don't think the MSG is holy enough. i'll pray for you. kidding, i'm kidding. sort of.)

anyway, JOHN told it like it was. i appreciate that about him. 

God has been speaking to me about character. confidence. security. contentment. 

this series that my pastor has been preaching on has been l i f e changing. 

because, if i'm being vulnerable, and completely honest, insecurity and anxiety and depression have been unrelenting in my life for many, many years. 

until something happened a few months ago that completely changed all of that.


i had something happen to me that left me in an utter and complete desperation for Jesus. a desperation for Him that i had never, EVER experienced before.

i had everything stripped away from me.

my health. my job. my friends. my home. my internship. my future. my finances. 


waking up and realizing that i was no longer in control of ANYTHING in my life ultimately led to complete surrender to Jesus.

all of those things that were my comfort and stability, they were now gone. 

i began to cling to the only thing One I knew would NEVER leave: Jesus.

"for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” d e u t o r o n o m y 31:6

i had no choice, in the past few months, but to stand firm on God's word, His promises, and who He is to me. but mostly, who i am to H i M. because who i am in Him and to Him is TRUTH. and everything else is a lie.

and it is who i am IN HIM that has helped me to overcome the insecurity, depression, and anxiety that the enemy has constantly tried to plague me with. 

for so many years, i battled with not being good enough. smart enough. pretty enough. 

i battled with lies and words spoken over me from a very young age. 

i had things done to me that left me feeling damaged, broken,  and worthless. 

i was not only left feeling ugly because of what had been done to me, but because of things i had done to others. 

i began to let my outer appearance hold more weight than who i was inside. i was empty and left VOiD, because i didn't know JESUS. 

once i met Jesus, his love flooded my heart. but i still struggled with my identity and fitting into culture.

the last few months of my life have been nothing short of some of the hardest of my LIFE.

but they have been the GREATEST. they have been the most trying. but the most TEACHING.

God has strengthened my identity in Him and left me more content than i have EVER felt before.

because in the last few months, i have experienced a confidence that comes from Him alone. 

not in my looks. (because being bed ridden will really take a toll on your self image.)

not in my job. (because i didn't have one.)

not in materialistic things. (because i didn't have a job to provide me with money to buy me those things.)

not in my internship. (because i had to leave it.)

not in my gifts and calling. (because my health left me too paralyzed to use them much.)

no, i have found my confidence and contentment in being a daughter of God and being exactly who He says i am. 

LOVED. CHOSEN. CALLED. FORGiVEN. FREE. BEAUTiFUL. NOBLE. MORE PRECiOUS than RUBiES.

because, as i've experienced lately, all of those other things shift. and change. and can disappear in a moment. but JESUS? He never does. 

honestly, reading this verse in Matthew 3, it shook me to the depths of my core. it brought tears to my eyes and it brought a holy conviction. 

once Jesus changes us, WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO NEVER GO BACK. 

i'd be lying to you if i said i don't think it's easier somedays to fall back into the pit of insecurity, comparison, discontentment and depression.

oh. ya'll. take it from me. it's a BATTLE.

i haven't been running with Jesus long, (3 years, really.) 

but everyday, it's a challenge. 

we HAVE to rebuke the devil. every day.

because every day, he'll tell you, or he'll send someone else to tell you YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH. 

it doesn't matter what area of your life he's speaking to. he's gonna do it. 

why? because you have a purpose. you're called. you're an overcomer. and a victor. and should you find ever begin to FIND your freedom and confidence in Christ, you'll just be ANOTHER person building the Kingdom of God and the gates of hell WON'T prevail against it, and the devil can't prevent THAT so he'll try to prevent YOU instead.

let me stay on track here because ya girl is about to go some white girl ghetto and start preaching about how the devil is a LIAR and...yea, let me curb my ADD here. 

it's A BATTLE. but we ALREADY HAVE THE VICTORY.

the victory is in JESUS. i'm gonna say it again. the victory is in JESUS.

the blood. the Word. triumph over death. 

when i read this Scripture today i got goosebumps. 

JESUS IGNITES KINGDOM FIRE WITHIN YOU | THAT MEANS EVERYTHING HE DID, YOU CAN DO TOO. THE DEVIL WILL TELL YOU YOU CAN'T, BUT THAT'S A LIE. THE SAME RESURRECTION POWER THAT ROSE HIM FROM THE GRAVE LIVES IN YOU. 

JESUS IGNITES A FIRE WITHIN YOU | YOU HAVE A CALLING. A PURPOSE. AND THE DEVIL WILL TRY TO TELL YOU EVERYDAY YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO DO IT SO THAT YOU QUIT. BUT YOU'RE NOT A QUITTER. YOU'RE AN OVERCOMER IN JESUS NAME.

JESUS IGNITES THE HOLY SPIRIT WITHIN YOU | YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO FIGHT EVERY ATTACK OF THE ENEMY WITH THE TRUTH OF GOD AND THE POWER OF HIS WORD. EVERY DAY THE DEVIL WILL PUT THOUGHTS IN YOUR HEAD THAT AREN'T OF GOD. YOU TAKE EVERY THOUGHT CAPTIVE AND MAKE IT OBEDIENT TO CHRIST AND WHAT HE SAYS. HIS WORD IS TRUTH. THE HOLY SPIRIT IS GRACE, LOVE AND COMPASSION. CONDEMNATION IS A LIE FROM THE PIT OF HELL. 

JESUS CHANGES YOU FROM THE INSIDE OUT | HE CHANGES YOUR HEART, MIND, AND YOUR CHARACTER. NO LONGER DO YOU NEED TO TRY TO FIT INTO CULTURE. CULTURE CHANGES. IT FADES. NO MORE MASKS. NO MORE FACADES. YOU HAVE FREEDOM TO BE EXACTLY WHO HE MADE YOU. YOUR IDENTITY IS IN HIM. GOD GIVES YOU A NEW HEART. HE MAKES YOU HOLY AND RIGHTEOUS BY HIS BLOOD ALONE AND YOU ARE CLOTHED WITH DIGNITY AND FOUND PURE IN HIM. NO LONGER ARE YOU A CAPTIVE TO OUTWARD APPEARANCE AND COMPARISON. YOU ARE A CO-HEIR AND SON AND DAUGHTER OF THE HIGHEST KING. HIS BEAUTY AND SPLENDOR FAR OUTWEIGHS AND OUTSHINES ANY OUTWARD ATTRACTIVENESS.

JESUS CLEANS HOUSE AND MAKES A CLEAN SWEEP OF YOUR LIVES | HEAR ME. ONCE HE CLEANSES YOU AND WASHES YOU, YOU HAVE PERMISSION TO NEVER GO BACK TO THE PERSON THAT YOU WERE. WHATEVER IT WAS, IT IS NO MORE. HE WASN'T CRUCIFIED SO WE COULD PICK UP OUR SIN AGAIN AND CARRY IT AROUND. IT WAS ONCE. AND IT WAS FOR ALL. YOU HAVE AUTHORITY IN THE NAME OF JESUS TO LET ALL OF THOSE CHAINS, INSECURITIES AND STRUGGLES BREAK OFF OF YOU AND NEVER, EVER PICK THEM BACK UP AGAIN. AND IT'S OKAY IF YOU HAVE DAYS WHERE YOU JUST CAN'T DO THAT. BECAUSE ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS RUN TO JESUS AND SURRENDER THEM. AND IT'S OKAY IF YOU HAVE TO DO IT EVERY DAY. BECAUSE HE'LL TAKE THEM. AND HE WORKS WITH US. AND IT'S A DAILY PROCESS. ALL WE NEED IS TO RUN TO HIM AND FALL AT HIS FEET. HE WILL CLEANSE OUR LIVES EVERY DAY. BECAUSE HE IS JESUS, THE ONE WHO SANCTIFIES US.

JESUS PLACES EVERYTHING TRUE IN IT'S PROPER PLACE | EVERYTHING ELSE FALSE HE'LL PUT OUT WITH TRASH TO BE BURNED. IMAGINE TAKING EVERY STRUGGLE, INSECURITY, LIE, NEGATIVE WORD SPOKEN OVER YOU AND EVERY AWFUL THING THAT'S EVER BEEN DONE TO YOU AND PLACING IT INTO A BLAZING FIRE. NOW IMAGINE, AFTER THE FLAMES HAVE BURNED DOWN EVERY PIECE, RUNNING BACK TO THE ASHES AND PICKING THEM UP AND PIECING THEM BACK TOGETHER AND CARRYING THEM AROUND. HEAR ME. HEAR ME. IF THIS IS THE ONLY THING YOU HEAR FROM THIS, IT'S ENOUGH. JESUS PLACES EVERYTHING TRUE IN IT'S PROPER PLACE. THE HOLY SPIRIT, THE KIND, GRACIOUS, LOVING WORDS THAT YOU HEAR ON YOUR DIFFICULT DAYS, THAT IS TRUTH. THE CONVICTION AND GRACE THAT HE SPEAKS, THAT IS WHAT OUR HEARTS AND MINDS NEED TO BE FILLED WITH. EVERYTHING ELSE IS RIGHTFULLY DESCRIBED AS TRASH AND SHALL BE BURNED. THE LIES AND NEGATIVE THINGS THE DEVIL AND THE PEOPLE HE USES SPEAKS TO US. THE TRUTH IS ALWAYS WRAPPED IN LOVE AND COMPASSION. YOU BELONG TO JESUS. HE HAS ALWAYS BESTOWED A CROWN OF BEAUTY FOR ASHES. ALWAYS. THAT IS TRUTH. THAT CROWN, IT BELONGS ON YOUR HEAD. AND YOUR MIND. AND YOUR HEART.

i cannot sit here today and say that anything in my life, over the past few months,has changed outside of the overwhelming, powerful work of Jesus Christ in my life.

i can say i sit here and reflect on how much Jesus has broken off of me and CHANGED IN MY LIFE. only in Him. only in Him. 

the world will always tell you you're a victim of something.

the devil will always try to make you feel less. to make you look back. 

we will ALWAYS, ALWAYS be placed in situations where we have a choice. 

we can claim the change that Jesus has done in us, or we can slip back down in the pit of what we have always struggled with.

we can run to Jesus and His truth, or we can run away from Him.

we can believe the lie. or we can choose to fight the lie with what we know is truth.

security is found in Him.
He is peace. when we find Jesus, we find peace.
He is truth. when we find truth, we overcome the lies.
He is KiNG of KiNGs. we are His sons + daughters. we are SECURE in Him.

JESUS has changed me. He has given his L i F E, and therefore authority to override the old me. my past. my mistakes. my insecurities and my struggles.

those don't define me anymore. and they don't define you either. 

you can be. you are being. you will be CHANGED. forever. i'm believing it for you. just like somebody believed it for me. in JESUS NAME. 

you are His. you are LOVED. you are called. you are chosen. 

 p r a y i n g for you a l w a y s.

x o x o,


C A i T L i N