i'm about to fire melatonin for not doing it's job.
nonetheless, i have lots on my mind.
it's been a really trying past few months.
the other night, i kept waking up.
it was one of those... "it's 12:30. i have 6 more hours. it's 1:30. i have 5 more hours. it's...." you get the point.
finally, i picked up my phone and opened my notes.
the first words i typed were "take off the mask."
quite surprising since the last few months i've barely been able to communicate honestly about what's being going on with me.
then i laughed. because the Holy Spirit so graciously speaks to us in the moments we need it the most.
even if it is when you're sleep deprived and wide awake and looking like the loch ness monster at 2am.
i mean, but seriously, i've battled this the last 4 months.
mainly because there's such a fear to be real and open and transparent with people about what's going in and your life and how you're really feeling.
and i'm not talking acquaintances or people that aren't really a part of your life.
quite the opposite.
how have we become so afraid to speak openly and communicate genuine emotion with OUR people?
we all have people. you know. our people. our person. those friends.
like, somebody just broke your heart and you call them and they know exactly what to say.
or, if you're a girl, you're having a mental breakdown for the 900th time this week and you just need to vent.
or you're so burnt out that you just need to cry. and they'll sit in silence with you and let you.
the more i laid in bed and thought about it, the more i just couldn't kick the thought of how incapable most of us have become at being vulnerable.
what's "real" these days is so far from what reality is.
and it fills me with righteous anger.
lots of it.
why is it, in a world where nobody has any problem talking about ANYTHING lewd and crude and boasting about their sin...is it so hard to talk struggle, fear, frustration and pain?
because...let's pause for a second. let's just be real for a second.
isn't that what most of us are experiencing on the day to day?
GASP. yeah, i just said that.
Christians experience struggle | fear | pain | frustration.
SHOCK, i know.
newsflash to everybody in the world: talking about these things doesn't make us BAD or WEAK Christians.
it actually makes us MORE like JESUS.
and, um, isn't this the goal?
how can we live a vulnerable life if we hide behind fake smiles?
most of what Jesus did was keeping it real. He addressed issues. Face to face. He was bold and unafraid. He condemned the religious patterns and longed for people to understand the need for real, authentic, loving relationship with others. And HE talked about issues.
He didn't run away from them. He didn't shy away from them. And He certainly didn't FAKE anything.
there's also one BIG difference between what Jesus did and what you and I do.
Jesus never stayed focused in the midst of people's problems. He never stayed focused on the pain and suffering that others were enduring.
He kept eternally minded. He focused on being present, but He also kept equally focused on trust, hope, faith and the future.
He didn't shy away from issues. and if we are to exemplify Him in all we do, then neither should we.
yesterday i read a quote and it hit me right in the middle of my gut.
Jesus did not come to fix it all. He came to be with us in the middle of it all.
i think one reason we are so scared to talk about our problems is that we have the altogether wrong view of who our Jesus is sometimes.
the Cross had many purposes.
and i am beyond thankful for each and every one of them.
but one of the purposes, particularly in this season that i am focused on and so grateful for is this:
the Cross wasn't to take away our problems. it was to give us somebody to walk through them with us.
remaining faithful doesn't mean we live a picture perfect life, problem free, ignore all of our problems and are happy all of the time.
it means that REGARDLESS of what we go through, we cling to the only One who can help us through it.
and that we talk. that we communicate. first, to our Jesus, who IS LISTENING!
"Because he bends down to listen,
I will pray as long as I have breath!" || PSALM 116:2
but also, that we talk to others. our people.
if there is anything that i have learned through these past few months is that keeping silent has done nothing for me.
God has placed me in a loving church, focused on relationships with others.
He has placed incredible pastors, mentors, teachers, and friends that have become my family in my life.
HE has given me people who i am immensely loved by, cared by, and who love me for me.
so, since when have i fallen back into wearing a mask around these people?
God has given us permission to be exactly who we are and to be open about what we're going through.
since when is it our job to lock ourselves back into the room of isolation?
what good does it do us?
the answer isn't rocket science : it does us NO good.
more important, what message does it send to our Jesus?
see, i'm a firm believer that others find a way to the Kingdom and see the reflection of Jesus when they see us in in the middle of our brokenness, comforted by a loving Savior who is greater than it ALL.
not when we hide and are superficial.
the world's had enough superficial for eternity.
they want real.
people want to know they can be accepted right where they are, loved for who they are and not judged for who they aren't and what they're going through.
since when are we to think that we should have it all together? really. since when?
the WORLD // our broken lives // humanity//
will always be full of chaos, pain, brokenness and hardship.
but Jesus.
the Cross happened as a result of us not having the capability to ever have it together.
it serves as a promise that we are stitched together by Him and not our own efforts or good intentions.
He invades brokenness.
i can attest that the times where i have felt the loving presence of Jesus...
...the power of the Holy Spirit
....the loving, calming, powerful, truthful voice of the Father...
were in the times where i have been surrounded by brothers, sisters, spiritual fathers and mothers of the faith...
sometimes just a few, sometimes more.
surrendered before God, completely open, vulnerable and transparent.
"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." || JAMES 5:16
"For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them." || MATTHEW 18:20
i don't know about you, but i cannot and i will not do this life alone.
just closing myself off these past few months have done enough damage.
thankfully His grace is sufficient and the people in my life have so very gracefully stood by me, in my moments of isolation, never having left my side.
thankfully His grace is sufficient and the people in my life have so very gracefully stood by me, in my moments of isolation, never having left my side.
it's time to speak. to be honest. unafraid to be broken. bold enough to say how weak we actually are feeling.
"and let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another- and all the more as you see the Day approaching." || ROMANS 10:25.
to neglect meeting and talking with our people, our army,
is to GIVE up what God has rightly given us.
it is to take in vain the the free encouragement, love, and help of other Christians in the faith.
when we gather is where we share our faith, our hope, our struggles, our pain....it is simply where we strengthen each other in the Lord.
and ALL of us, every single one of us, need it.
the closer we get to the day of His return, the more struggle and persecution we will face.
we need to be reminded in the chaotic, messy, broken walk that is our life that Jesus is in the middle of the mess and He is our peace. He is walking with us.
and all He whispers is "come closer."
GOD just wants our heart. every thought, every tear, every broken piece.
after all: He created it. we belong to Him.
we need our people. we need to talk. we need to walk, and fight and battle for each other.
and all He whispers is "come closer."
GOD just wants our heart. every thought, every tear, every broken piece.
after all: He created it. we belong to Him.
we need our people. we need to talk. we need to walk, and fight and battle for each other.
SINCE WHEN are we to do life alone?
until next time.
x o x o,
C A i T L i N
