and for you MEGA Christians, this has nothing to do with the release of Hillsong's "No other Name" album.
ok, fine. you caught me. it does a little bit. when i feel inspired, i gotta run with it. it's the Holy Spirit. i'm a writer. deal with it.
you know, names hold a lot of power. think about it.
a lot of people in life think long and hard about what they want to name things:
cars, pets, babies…
( i feel like that order is a bit off but…whatever. don't judge me.)
my point is that names hold power.
we think a lot about them.
they carry meanings, definitions, and sometimes hold special places in our heart.
just to know a name can simply be special to us. it may remind us of somebody, a time with that person, a name of a parent or a sibling, or somebody that we met or knew along the way. they can remind us of a particular time in our life when that name, that person was present in our life during a tough season.
names. they identify us. don't they?
i can bet if you're reading this, you also know that there's been a time where you've been called a name that has hurt you. maybe you brushed it off, maybe it has stuck with you. maybe you're battling it today.
names are special. names have meaning. sometimes good. and sometimes bad. and lastly, names have power.
say what you will, but names have power.
they are what designate us. what we are called. they are how we're known.
in case you're wondering, this is the moment in the blog where i'm gonna go spiritual. i know you were waiting for it. here it is.
i don't know about you, but there's one name that, tonight, i am BEYOND grateful to know.
the smallest whisper and it brings a calming peace that nothing else can compare to.
just the mention of it and demons flee.
the shout of it and everything else B O W S.
that name would be Jesus.
if you're reading this, i hope you know Jesus. if you don't, i would love to talk with you and pray for you!
anyway, Jesus is pretty cool.
HE , to put it simply, invaded my heart 3 years ago and my life has been wrecked (in the best way possible), ever since.
he takes the
he rescues us out of pits of hell and gives us a { s a f e refuge } to rest in.
there are millions of things i could go on and on about.
so many things i love about Him.
perhaps my favorite thing about my Jesus is the fact that H E is a redeemer.
the fact that i love this word may be news to you, especially since the name of my blog is a heart R E D E E M E D. ( sarcasm, again. sorry. not sorry.)
this whole blog post was stirred by a random conversation i was having the other day.
i found myself talking about names and what they meant.
immediately, i flashed back to the day, many years, before i accepted Jesus as my Savior, to the day i googled the meaning of my name.
Caitlin Ann.
i have always been super proud to carry the name "ann". it is my grandmother's midde name, but the one she is called by. i am honored to carry her name. but i never knew what it meant.
i remember googling what my name meant. it was a very, very dark period in my life.
i would, in fact, very boldly, call it my rock bottom.
drugs, parties, guys…my life revolved around these things.
drugs + alcohol blurred everything around me.
parties became my whole life and my identity. i was deemed the "crazy party girl" and i gladly fulfilled it.
guys used me. they consumed me. they abused me. they left me tarnished and stained, empty, but filled, broken into pieces, never to be put back together AGAIN.
there i sat, desperately seeking to know who I was, to see if I could find my identity, my true identity in all of the darkness that had invaded what was now my life.
i laughed, mocking the definition of my name on the screen as i read it before me.
caitlin: derived from Kathleen. Irish. "pure."
ann: derived from hebrew. "He has favored me."
what a CROCK. i remember thinking, i am the furthest thing from pure. i am the furthest person from God. and take a look at my life. i am not favored. i am nothing.
with that, i slunk back into my pity party of a life, blurring my thoughts, feelings and emotions with parties, drugs, and guys…and moved on.
every now and then i'd say in conversation, "my name means PURE. how hilarious is that?! too bad i'm the complete opposite!"
my friends and i would have great laughs, mocking at how far i was from what my name actually meant. it became a running joke.
somebody else was laughing. yes. God was laughing.
fast forward to year 3 in relationship with my Jesus.
i sat at a table, talking to a friend about sexual impurity. we started talking about the favor of God. we started talking life, calling, and Jesus.
it is part of my calling to minister to women who have been abused in this way, and/ or have tried to gain their worth by giving themselves away.
it is part of my calling to minister to ones who have never dreamed of being "favored by God", who have never felt loved or felt any goodness or joy.
i started smiling and laughing. why? B E C A U S E:
i was never going to be the example for "purity."
i was never going to be the example for "favored."
i started laughing and i started laughing loud.
because despite my complete doubt, insecurity, and insane mocking all of those years before, my Jesus HAS completely redeemed my true name.
my favorite definition of redeem is to recover. to get back. to restore to it's original purpose.
yes. He took an impure girl and restored to her what He always intended…purity.
He took favor that had been stolen from her by the enemy and blessed her life with an abundance of it.
i laughed. He laughed.
not only did he recover my name and make it my true identity again, but He has called me to speak out on the things He has always intended for me.
favor. purity.
he has blessed a girl who lived years feeling empty, worthless and a big pile of nothing with inexplainable favor.
i mean, literally, and i'm not talking something happens and we wave "favor ain't fair"….but times where it has been only the hand of God that has given me or blessed me with something that i never could have imagined.
in so many ways.
he took the dirty and washed it pure as snow with His blood.
nothing is impossible for Him.
we all have a name.
we all have an identity in Him.
And He wants to fulfill the truth in it. He wants to recover it if it's lost.
i'm going to leave you with this:
the enemy of this world knows our name and calls us by our SIN. God knows our sin but calls us by our NAME.
you are His. he wants to restore you.
Jesus died and lives to redeem you.
he is calling you home.
everything is in a name. it's how people identify you.
and you are worth nothing less than being identified as a daughter or son of the King. of the most high God. a child. an heir. royalty. redeemed. chosen. purposed.
the greatest name. no other name. is calling you by your true name: will you answer?
until next time,
xoxo,
c a i t l i n
