we hear it all of the time.
GOD is faithful. He is FAITHFUL.
sometimes, at least in my life, I so easily forget this.
i take advantage of it.
this is not something to be thrown around and taken lightly.
the GOD of the universe, the CREATOR of Heaven and Earth, my DADDY in Heaven is faithful.
to me.
all of the time. without fail.
to be honest, when i sat down to write this, i wasn't thinking about the faithfulness of the Lord.
don't get me wrong, He has been faithful to me.
HE has done a miraculous work in my life and faith in these past few months...
but i'll get to that later.
i started to think about me...and my FAiTHFULNESS to HiM.
have i been faithful to God?
Have i trusted Him?
Have i been everything i could possibly be for Him?
and the answer, a few months ago...
would have been NO.
let me preface this post with this:
this is my heart. these are my words, but the SPiRiT writes through me.
i am not saying, by any means, that I have been faithful to God in EVERY single thing these past four months.
but GOD has showed up. and worked MiRACLES.
it is so hard to put all of our trust in God when we can't know whether or not things will happen the way we expect them to and give us what we DESiRE.
OR, more than that.
what we think SHOULD happen.
EXPECTATIONS.
THiS, is where I began to struggle.
you see, recently, in my quiet time with God...
i have begun to pray that i die to myself and the ways of this world...
every day.
and EVERY DAY, i have begun to pray and seek to live out
HIS WiLL only.
my fleshly desires are not what the Lord desires for me.
not because He doesn't want me to be SATiSFiED, FULL, and FULL OF JOY.
rather...
because HE DESiRES better for ME.
HiS DAUGHTER.
before i started full time at HiGHLANDS COLLEGE, i placed expectations on the LORD.
HE VERY QUiCKLY became...
less good, less faithful or less powerful...
when things didn't go my WAY.
why? because i placed my trust and faith in HiM on my CiRCUMSTANCES.
i placed EXPECTATiONS on a LiMiTLESS GOD!
i have to be honest, i have had more than a few gut punching moments in this season of this BEAUTiFUL, iNCREDiBLE LiFE JESUS has blessed me with.
but my DADDY...
has never been CLOSER!
my world has been chaos this semester. A LiTTLE iNSiGHT:
NO CAR. GRiEF. HEARTBREAK. PHYSiCAL BATTLES. FiNANCiAL TROUBLE.
SERiOUSLY...iN ALL HONESTY, iT HAS BEEN TORMENT.
NONSTOP. FROM THE DEViL.
so i had two choices.
one night, about a month ago...i was just laying in my bed.
i started to cry. i had fallen down the stairs at work and was practically immobile.
something that i've never experienced in my life.
i felt hurt. alone. broken. sad. scared. confused. helpless.
you could say that all of these things led me to participate in a SLIGHT pity party.
i felt God say to me "you have two choices."
i honestly didn't feel like knowing what either one was. i was numb. it is extremely easy and effortless to fall back into a place of helplessness, hopelessness, and darkness...
if we lose sight of what our eyes should continuously be fixed on...
and that would be JESUS.
God continued to poke at me with these two choices.
"Two choices."
you can give up, or you can trust me this time, and trust me with EVERYTHING.
i sat up in my bed.
i grew up in a family where giving up was not an option.
my sisters can testify to this:
when LiFE got tough, my Earthly father would tell me to "pull myself up by my bootstraps"...
AND WALK ON.
i decided, in a period of despair, discouragement, pain, and repentance, that I would turn the little stuff over to JESUS just as i had with the BIG STUFF.
why, the Holy SPiRiT began to question in my heart...
did i think it was okay to believe and trust that JESUS had all of the big "iSSUES" in my life handled...
but was so resistant to trust that He would be faithful in the small, trivial, quite ANNOYiNG problems of EVERY DAY LiFE?
because to be honest, and this is STRiCTLY my OPiNiON...
the unexpected passing of my mother...well, it was a gut punch...
but what ultimately led me to this place of doubting, no trust, and questioning the LORDS goodness and faithfulness...
well those were the small things. the trivial, every day, constant things that happen in this LiFE of ours...
that i really believe satan uses to slowly, over time, take us further away from GOD each day...
until we realize we're in a place that we never thought we would be.
you know, up until quite recently, and I'm talking about...within a month...
i doubted GOD for how faithful He was because i truly believe He would bring me to a place where i wouldn't have any TROUBLES!
yes.25. a full time ministry school student.engaged in the word of God.believing His truths...
and yet, wishing God would bring me to a place with no troubles.
you may be thinking...really? does she know the BiBLE?!
john 16:33.
GOD does NOT promise us a LiFE with no trouble!
"i have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. in the world you will have TROUBLE; but TAKE HEART, i have overcome the WORLD."
why was it so hard for me to rest in THiS;
the UNFAiLiNG, TRUE, PROMiSiNG;
word of my DADDY.
the SiMPLEST reason i can think of is the unstopping, never ending thwarts the ENEMY is constantly throwing at me.
i got caught up in a "why me" ATTiTUDE.
can i tell everybody something?
iNSTEAD of focusing on a WHY ME ATTiTUDE...
we should adapt, (humbly) of course a "WHY NOT ME" ATTiTUDE!
we ALL know what God SAYS about us, what He DESiRES for US, and what He PROMiSES to FULFiLL in our LiVES!
i've heard people say this over and over and time and time again...
if the ENEMY is attacking you left and right, you must be doing huge things for the LORD.
HE'S AFRAiD.
and just like a little child, he is pulling our hair, pinching us, kicking us, and biting us hoping that we will be devastated and respond to it.
i'll just close with this.
the ENEMY doesn't WiN. God tells us that.
SO WHY, AS GODS CHiLDREN, SHOULDN'T WE LiVE, WALK, AND KEEP OUR FAiTH iNVESTED iN THAT TRUTH?!
GOD has proved Himself faithful to ME.
More than that, HE has loved me when i didn't deserve it.
HE COMES THROUGH. HE GiVES ANSWERS. HE HEALS. HE MAKES GOOD ON HiS WORD AND PROMiSE TO US...
always. ALL OF THE TiME.
that night, i vowed to be His SOLDiER. to let Him FiGHT FOR AND SPEAK FOR ME.
i will not doubt.
i will not doubt.
He is FOR ME.
He is FOR ME.
i trust Him.
i trust Him.
and because of Him, i will PREVAiL.
this thanksgiving season, this time in my life that seems like everything is falling apart, He holds me in the palm of His hand!
and for that, i am FAiTHFUL to HiM.
i am FOREVER FAiTHFUL.
and nothing will EVER separate me from that.
HE WiLL PROVE HiMSELF FAiTHFUL.
thank you, JESUS!
xoxo,
CAiTLiN
