woven.

i went to visit a crocheting small group last week. 

but don't get it twisted. (corny pun, anbody?) i don't crochet. i never have. i went just to hang out and fellowship with these ladies.

my friend who leads the group attempted to teach me how to crochet but...it didn't go over well.

i watched her take the needle and begin to weave, explaining the process to me.

i watched as she hooked the yarn back and forth and i was instantly discouraged. 

not only did i feel like my inadequate and shaky fingers wouldn't be able to complete the weaving, (because i'm CLUMSY and very uncoordinated)... i was SURE that i was not equipped with the patience to keep weaving and go back and start again if i made a mistake.

in fact, watching everybody sitting there calmly working on their projects, i definitely knew i didn't have the patience. ( hey, don't judge me...i'm a work in progress!)

there was a lady sitting at the end of the table, and she was making a scarf but she wasn't using a needle. in fact, she was using a different kind of yarn altogether.

it intrigued me. she pulled out a scarf she had made and showed it to me. (so pretty!)

"how did you make that without a needle?", i asked her. 

another lady next to me replied, "she just weaves it together with her hands! if you don't feel like you can use the needle, maybe you can just try it with your hands."

so she handed me this beautiful coral yarn and attempted to show me how to do it with her hands. 

i hate to admit this, but even THAT was frustrating to me. i didn't get that far until she looked at me and smiled and said, "how are you doing?", even though she already knew the answer to that.

i replied, "maybe you can finish it for me?"

she took the yarn back and i watched her for a few minutes take her hands and weave and knot the yarn together. 

she never seemed to get frustrated if she made a mistake or needed to redo something. she just kept moving her hands, patiently and gracefully. 

in fact, as i sat back in my chair and examined all of the 10 other ladies scattered all over the room...this was the common theme. 

each sat seemingly relaxed and determined, both hands on their yarn and their tools, peacefully weaving intricately, back and forth. 

(just a side note that isn't the focus of this blog- but isn't it so amazing how our Father creates each of us? different interests and gifts- each person woven with different ones engraved in their hearts...that each of us can so gracefully embrace? hallelujah!) 

this woman tapped me on the shoulder just a few moments later and handed me her finished project. 

isn't it BEAUTIFUL? since i didn't think i'd need a scarf until next Winter because it was "Spring"...i hung it on my rearview mirror in my car! 

and yes, it was easily accessible for me to throw on today as i woke up in a winter wonderland! (thanks New England!)

i didn't really think anymore about the scarf or the group much after that...but as i took it off today and hung it back around my rearview mirror...i found myself taking my fingers and gently feeling the pieces of fabric woven together. 

i was driving back roads coming home from doing some errands and reflecting on the moments leading up to the days of Jesus being crucified and resurrected.

HOLY WEEK.

i found myself praying for the Holy Spirit to speak to me, to put people on my heart and directly in my life that need to hear the hope and of the goodness of the Gospel. i do this often, but find it heightened of course in days (or in this case- Holy week) where everything else is shut out and my eyes and heart are solely fixated on Jesus. and Jesus alone. 

often i pray for the Lord to speak through me as I embrace His given gift to me and ask Him to give me words to write to people whose hearts are so very desperate to receive them.

but it is not very often where i am paused in my desire to write and asked by Him to WAIT for a specific word dropped into my spirit. and then to write.

today was that very day. i have been bursting to blog for several days. 

so many words. the season i am in. so many things on my heart. so much to SAY.

but i haven't. because i could hear Him asking me to wait. He asked me to. and i obeyed.

today, as i ran my hands over the scarf, i heard His voice speak to me. instantly, He gave me the words to write.

i went back to thinking about how in awe i was of the patience and grace of these ladies who crocheted. they didn't get frustrated in the process. 

they were determined to make something beautiful, regardless of how long it took or how many mistakes they made. even when the yarn was stubborn and didn't want to hook onto the needle and go where they desired it to be, they still would take it out and START AGAIN.

they were focused on the end result. they were focused on the finished project. they saw their projects beautiful in the process. 

are you ready? because here it is. i believe someone needs to read and receive this just as i did today.

they looked at what they were working on with the very same eyes as Jesus looks at us.

they patiently and gracefully and intricately worked on their pieces just as Jesus works on the pieces of our hearts. 

have you ever felt like your life was in pieces?

i have.

have you ever been discouraged in the process?

i have.

have you ever had someone give up on you?

i have.

have you ever looked in the mirror and only seen brokenness?

i have.

have you ever had anyone get so angry and so frustrated with you that they've walked away?

i have.

have you ever been abandoned by somebody you love?

i have.

have you ever thought that maybe God just wants to give up on you because you're just TOO much work?

i have.

the truth is, haven't we all felt this way at one point or another? haven't all of these been us somewhere along the lines of our lives? 

today, as i stared at the scarf and flashed back to the woman who made it for me, i heard God gently whisper to me, "I created you. I know your heart. I know every single piece. Every single void. And I am not disappointed with you. I am not discouraged by you. And I will NEVER run out of patience for you."

HEYO. i have to be honest, that last line I heard the Spirit whisper was sort of a loud, firm one. 

it KINDA made me want to jump right out of my Honda Accord and take a lap. 

i mean, i don't know about you, but i know that people can probably (definitely) get pretty impatient with me. 

i know, i know, it's pretty hard to believe right? (everyone who knows me is shaking their head right now like, no, actually, it's not...) it's okay. i forgive you guys.

and if i'm just being honest, there are people that have simply said they just can't deal with what i'm currently experiencing and walking through at this point in my life. 

and that's ok. just like crocheting isn't for me, some PEOPLE just aren't for YOU. and praise God that He gives us enough wisdom to realize that and helps us to guard our hearts.

people will leave you, hurt you, fail you, give up on you and abandon you.

BUT JESUS NEVER WILL!

praise God EVEN MORE that HE NEVER runs out of patience and grace for us when we make mistakes.

that HE GENTLY continues to mold us even as we fight to go in the direction He desires us to. 

that He never gets angry, gives up on us, throws us down and walks away in our worst moments, in our stubbornness, in the moments when our spirit becomes weak to our flesh and we have become intertwined with sin and ugliness and selfishness and the world. 

knotted and tangled. 

no. he doesn't throw us away. we are in His hands. and He graciously and lovingly untangles and unravels and starts again. 

and over, and over, and over...He continues to do the same.

and each day we start to look a little more like the beautiful and a little less like the broken. 

no, God never gets frustrated in the PROCESS because he can see the PRODUCT.

God sees BEAUTY in the process, even when the process leaves us BRUISED.

God sees HOPE in the midst of HEARTBREAK because He is the one who created our hearts and knows exactly how to MEND what what was shattered.

God is not discouraged by you.

God is not frustrated with you.

God hasn't run out of patience for you.

the greatest news? He never will.

the only difference between the ladies and their crocheting and Jesus and us...is that the ladies will eventually finish their projects and move on to something else sooner or later.

but God isn't done with you or i yet.

you and i, we will never be completed and finished until the day Christ Jesus returns. 

through Jesus, we are sanctified. and one day, we will forever live perfectly with Him in eternity.

but until that day...

God will make pieces of us beautiful a little bit, piece by piece, day by day...

but there will always be a broken piece.

there will always be a part of you that will fight against what God wants you to do.

there will always be some threat to fight.

there will always be a void for Him to fill somewhere.

there will always be a time where we will look in the mirror and wonder if God is, or can, or will be able to untangle the knot.

you and i are human.

these thoughts will come.

but they do not have to stay.

and they will not LAST.

but one day you and i will be perfected in the righteousness of Christ Jesus and you will be dressed in that RIGHTEOUSNESS alone. (isaiah 61:10)

 God is able. (ephesians 3:20.)

 He is working. He is loving. He is patient. He is goodness. He is kindness. He is GRACE. He is. 

He is all of these things.

And He is holding me and you in His hand. 

Gently molding you and shaping me and you.

Making us beautiful. 

Making us holy.

"and YET, O Lord, you are OUR Father. We are the clay, and you are the potter. We are all formed by your hand." (isaiah 64:8)

don't be discouraged. you are a work in progress. you are pieces of the Master's heart and pieces of brokenness, wrapped intricately in His grace. being woven into something absolutely beautiful. and absolutely holy. 

[ "therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day."] 2 corinthians 4:16

[" for i am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus."] philippians 1:6

["for by that one offering he forever made perfect those who are being made holy."] hebrews 10:14

i pray at the beginning of this week as you reflect on both the sacrifice given to YOU and the VICTORY won for you, you would know that you are fought for.

that you are loved.

and that God is not finished with YOU yet.

xoxo,

CAITLIN