as the year 2013 came to a close…
i found myself reflecting on the year.
HIGHS.
lows.
plenty of laughter.
plenty of tears.
new friends.
saying goodbye to other friends.
l e s s o n s.
m i s t a k e s.
p a i n.
g r o w t h.
i think if we all reflect on the past year, we could genuinely say we had a little bit of all of these at some point or another.
reflecting led me to think of all the things i've learned.
after praying, (and scrolling down my year review on Facebook- thank you Facebook- you actually helped!) i was left with 1 4 crucial things i am so glad i learned this year.
let me also preface: these are not profound. and some may be relearned over and over and over again. but i am thankful for growth. i am thankful for lessons learned through pain. i am so thankful that God never stops teaching me. some are funny, some are too real, but they are all true lessons learned.
14. laughter really is the best medicine.
i don't know about you, but i like to laugh. a lot. i am convinced that a good long laugh session with a close friend does the heart VERY good. the bible EVEN TELLS us to laugh. there are times and places. it shouldn't become something that takes the place of everything else in your life. but man, those cramps in your stomach that you get after laughing so hard you feel like you're never going to eat again (YEAH, RIGHT!) - is there really anything better? I am also convinced that laughing at the expense of others does the exact opposite. it may bring momentary joy, but in the end all you're doing is demeaning somebody else. nobody wants to be the person that is known for cutting other people down to make themselves look good. believe me. i learned this the hard way. foot in mouth. burnt a relationship from this. and am trusting God to put it back together. but- pure and genuine laughter is the best. it does a heart good. remember to l a u g h.
13. don't take yourself TOO seriously.
you may think i'm going in a different direction here. this year i learned that life is not about me. the world doesn't revolve around me- SHOCKING, i know! but boy- i learned this the hard way. not only did i learn that life isn't about me- i learned MY life isn't about me. i learned that when i am taking myself too seriously, my eyes are focused somewhere they are not supposed to be-on myself. all that matters is Jesus and when we are focused so seriously on ANYTHING else but Him- we become selfish. the fact of the matter is- we are to take God seriously and allow Him to work out the rest in our lives with full trust. By myself-I am not important. Neither are you. But Christ alive in you is the most important thing on the planet. So please, don't take yourself too seriously.
12. nobody is cute when they cry.
hey it's just the truth. i make what i like to call "the ugly face" and i don't even notice it because i'm too consumed with what i'm crying over anyway! trust me. one time i caught a glance of myself crying in the mirror and it was not good. but you know what else i learned? crying is freeing. it's a release. and it's cleansing. and so let yourself have an ugly cry every once in a while. because honestly, there's really NOTHING like it.
11. cheap high heels aren't worth it.
i know this is probably going to surprise many of you, but i'm a major shoe girl. like, it's a big problem. huge. anyone whose been to my house knows this. and ONE time this past year, (notice i said ONE), i made the mistake of buying a cheaply made pair of really cute shoes because i just couldn't live without them. BIG MISTAKE. you are going to put your precious feet in them and walk on them all day. the burning, the cramping, the absolute pain that they will bring you…it's not worth it. i think when God said He would walk with us through fire he forgot the next sentence…the fire you will feel on your feet if you ever choose to buy cheap heels, ladies. JUST DON'T DO IT.
10.it's okay to be weird.
God made you the way you are. the exact way you are.the good, the bad, and everything in between. let me clarify: i'm not suggesting that you hide completely behind your weirdness, but i am also suggesting that you not hide it all from people. i can tell you that i learned in 2013 that i am weird. i'm quirky, i'm loud, i'm ridiculous, kind of nerdy, and i laugh at everything i do. i have things i do and say, rituals i have, and traditions that i do only with myself. and they are things other people don't do. and some people think they're weird. i don't get embarrassed by that, i embrace it. in 2013 i freely let go of caring if people thought i was weird or not. because all of those quirks? the things that make me different from everybody else? that's unique. it's awesome. it's me. Holy Spirit breathed by God to nobody else. and you're the same. so embrace it. because let's face it, we're all a little weird.
9.death isn't the FINAL word.
i lost my mother, February 3rd 2014 will be 2 years. i grieved and i grieved hard in 2013. i lost sight of a lot and stayed angry for a while. i couldn't get past her death. and, coming up on her being away from Earth for almost 2 years now, i still wouldn't say i'm past it. i have learned, however, that death is NOT the final word. Heaven really is our home. And she is at home. it doesn't make it easier, it doesn't make it hurt less, it doesn't change the reality that she is not here. but it does change your perspective. and here's what i learned first: Heaven is our home. OUR HOME. We get to spend eternity with a GOD and a SAVIOR who gave everything to know us, to love us, to free us, to give us peace. This is momentary. Here on Earth. That is my permanent place of residence. Some would say that is an INCREDIBLE promise. Safe in the arms of our Savior. The presence of God. No pain. Lastly: life is short. a vapor. And because God has promised me a beautiful life of eternity, I want to LIVE here and do everything I possibly can to bring glory to God and to make His name known. His love known. Because DEATH didn't stop Jesus. And it shouldn't stop us either. It is not the final word. Life abundant and life eternal. That is the final word.
8.Writing is hard.
i love writing. i love to blog. i am thankful God has somewhat gifted me to do it. but it is really hard to do sometimes. not because it is time consuming, not even because i have a lack of what i want to say, ( i know you are all shocked at that!) i say it's hard because it is, perhaps, one of the most vulnerable things you could do. to sit and bleed your thoughts, no holding back to the world. i struggled in 2013. i struggled being honest and vulnerable. it's not my strong suit. it's easy to hide behind your words and not be 100% honest. it's harder to write the truth. it's much harder to be real. transparent. and raw. but i learned in 2013 that while it's hard, it's worth it. you never know who will read what you write. you never know how much people appreciate you being real until you ask God for the courage to do it. keep writing, fellow writers. you are world changers.
7.friendships take WORK.
if i ever learned a lesson in 2013, it was this one. friendships take lots of love, lots of laughter, patience, honesty and understanding. to sum up, friendship takes a lot of work. and i learned that it is not a one way street. it takes two to tango. you give and you take. this is a hard lesson to learn. why? because we are naturally selfish. we want it to be all about ourselves. the more you grow up, the more you realize it's not about you and it's about you and your friends together. i gave up some friends in 2013. i had some friends give me up. it stings. it can be painful. but you know what? it's okay to walk away if people don't want to invest in you. you deserve friends that are going to love you, encourage you, trust you, call you out where you need to be called out…BUT above all, fight for you. and if somebody isn't willing to do that for you, it's okay to walk away. because you are WORTH those things. and more. you know what else i learned? God has designed friends specifically for you. friends for life. and i found those friends in 2013. and they are dear to my heart. and i will work to stay continually invested in them. because God has given them to me. and they are precious gifts.
6.tattoos are awesome.
in 2013 i rediscovered my love for tattoos. i got two tattoos that actually had meaning to me…deep meaning. and it was incredible. i let go of my worry of what people would think and did it because they meant something dear to my heart. i had my mothers words from the first page of one her bibles, "i am somebody" tattooed on my foot. i also had my favorite verse of the bible tattooed on my arm. {psalm 18:19}. i look at them every day and see love, true meaning and the memory of my mother expressed. it's art. it's cool. and it's not for everybody, but it is for some. they tell a story. and i get asked about them over and over. daily, i get to express my faith through them. and i think that's incredible.i got over the stereotype that Christians don't have tattoos. because it's just not true. i let go of fear and embraced them. and in 2014, i'm gonna get more.
5. fear of commitment will cripple you.
i spent the year of 2013 fearing commitment. not just commitment in a relationship, but commitment everywhere. to God, to friends, in a relationship, and to people who are like my second family. in 2013 i learned that fear of commitment will lead you into a place of darkness and abandonment that you never thought you would be. i also learned that it takes a lot of trust in God and release of control to begin a healing process and a way out of that deep fear. i'm still working on it. i'm not there yet. but i learned that it will keep you out of things you would never imagine, it will leave you painfully broken and alone, and will delay blessings. the greatest lesson i've learned from this is that you will never commit to anybody 100% if you aren't first committed to God fully. i made no resolutions for 2014 except one commitment: to be as fully committed and more in love with God every single day. i challenge you to do the same. Say goodbye to fear. And hello to freedom. BRING IT!
4. beauty is fleeting.
i know, i know. we hear it all the time. beauty is fleeting. in 2013 i learned this HEAD on. if anybody likes to look good, it's this girl. hair, makeup, clothes, i'm guilty. take a city girl and move her to the country and she just brings the city with her. but i learned this year that your heart and who you are on the inside speaks volumes to people about how beautiful you are. i felt, on more than several occasions in the past year, like the ugliest person in the world and not because of how i looked on the outside, but because of who i was inside. i refused to believe that being beautiful is your heart. and i learned that the uglier you are on the inside, the more people see you as ugly on the outside. we are all beautiful. when we love God with a pure heart, and seek to live in His ways, His light and beauty reflects all over us. THIS quality is what you want somebody to fall in love with FIRST. and if this isn't the quality they love most about you, they do not deserve you. it's okay to be pretty. it's okay to look cute. it's okay to love style. ( i DO!) but the most important is to be beautiful from the inside out. a woman who prays fervently and reverently is absolutely BEAUTIFUL. a woman who fears the Lord is beautiful. a woman who doesn't speak gossip but loves and encourages others is beautiful. in 2013 i finally LEARNED and admitted that confidence doesn't come from make up, high heels, or the best clothes, it comes from GOD. amen to that.
3. coffee addiction is a real thing. and i'm okay with it.
I learned in 2013 that my love for coffee grew leaps and bounds, and i came to the conclusion it will always be one of my absolute favorite things. i fell into a deep love with my new French Press, and, point blank, it just makes me happy in the mornings. not happier than waking up to new mercies, not happier than God's love, not happier to having breath, but yeah…it makes me pretty happy. i don't know if you wake up like sleeping beauty, with birds lifting your comforter off of you and singing all around you, but i don't. i look more like the loch ness monster when i wake up. i'm on the struggle bus. and in 2013 i learned that it's okay for me to need some coffee in the morning before i do anything else. coffee is WONDERFUL. and i love it.
2. forgiveness sets you free.
in 2013, i released those who have transgressed against me in major ways. it was messy. it was ugly. it was painful. but since that day, i haven't looked back. it isn't easy. but when you've been forgiven much, (and we ALL have), you forgive much. it doesn't do anything for the other person. they may never know you did it. but you release them. and when you do, you will start looking at them in a different way. it may never do anything for them. but it sets you free. and everybody deserves to experience the freedom of letting somebody go and forgiving them for what they've done to you. there's power in it. if you're reading this and you need to forgive somebody, i mean, REALLY forgive somebody, i pray that you find the courage and strength from God to do it. your life will change. it will change drastically forever. and you won't ever look back.
and the number one thing i learned this YEAR:
1. How unfathomable God's love is. How true His promises are. How close He actually is to the brokenhearted. And How many miracles He has done in my life and the lives of those around me.
ok, that's like 5 things. but i don't care. this may sound cliche. but MAN. it's safe to say i learned a lot this year. so much more than 14 things or any list i could possibly put together. but i can truly, honestly say, the number one thing i learned this year is how incredible MY GOD, the GOD of the universe is. 2013 was so taxing. it was a hard year. in some ways, the hardest year of my life so far. In the past year, I heard God speak promises to me that came to fruition. I felt His presence sweep over me in moments of absolute despair and utter heartbreak. I watched Him at work in my life doing absolute miracles at the last minute, leaving me with no explanation except that the Father I love and the sweet Jesus that has saved me are miracle workers. i learned the meaning of grace this year. i have felt unimaginable forgiveness and mercy from God and have given those same things to people that i never thought i had the strength to. i have felt the Holy Spirit alive and at work in me and in the lives of others. i have watched my Father continually bless me and give me favor in times where i have been so incredibly undeserving of it. He has given, He has taken. He has taught me, led me, spoken to me, and NEVER left me. I have seen Him this year. I have felt Him this year. i have experienced some incredible pain. a very rocky road this year. but through it all, His presence has never left my side. the greatest lesson i've learned in 2013: i am unable to do ANYTHING without him. forgive, learn, grow, love…here's to 2014. and every year to come with my God by my side.
H A P P Y N E W Y E A R!
*h e
crowns
the
year
with
goodness *
p s a l m 65:11
x o x o,
caitlin
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