truly, i wasn't walking up there to watch the sunset.
i pulled over and jumped out of my car. i just wanted some fresh air.
i honestly just needed some alone time. anybody ever have one of those days?
as i was ascending the hill, i looked down and caught a glimpse of my brown boots, covered in dirt, moving slowly, one foot in front of the other.
my boots are dirty, i thought to myself.
i heard myself breathing heavily. sweat dripped from my forehead in the 40 degree weather. my body is tired.
i kept my feet going, one step after another, until finally, i didn't notice how dirty my boots are or how tired my body was, because i had reached the most incredible view.
it looked like a painting. orange and brown and red and yellow trees lining the green fields of grass. the sun modestly hiding behind the tops of the trees but shining brightly, nonetheless.
honestly, it took my breath away.
which is hard to do these days.
not because it's hard to see the beauty in this world.
it's all around us. every moment. every day.
rather, because it's easier sometimes to focus on our suffering and forget the beauty.
for months, i have battled with health problems that, at most moments during the day, have seemed to drain me of every possible ounce of energy that i have.
and while i can absolutely 100% say with confidence and THANKFULNESS that i am not dealing with cancer, an addiction, or have been given a limited amount of time to live, i have had my fair share of not so great health conditions the past few months.
it has lead me, to a place that has felt deeper and darker than the wilderness, if that is even possible.
nothing about suffering is beautiful.
that is, until we remember the Jesus…my Jesus…our Jesus…who came and MADE suffering beautiful.
when Jesus is in the middle of anything, it is made beautiful.
agony, torment, torture; pain, distress.
wasn't this the Cross?
the cross without Jesus is just the above words. there is no beauty.
until we remember our Jesus in the very middle of the torment that brought us our freedom…
until we remember where the suffering He himself endured brought Him…
p a r a d i s e.
we have a choice of where our suffering leads us. we choose to let it leads us to defeat, or we choose to let it lead us to purpose.
suffering always takes us somewhere beautiful. somewhere worth it. always.
sitting and watching this beautiful sunset, i looked down at my feet.
i'm a writer, i'm a dreamer, i'm a visual. very rarely do i glance over at things and not ponder them in their entirety.
this is just who God created me to be.
my feet. i begin to think about all of the places they have traveled.
the highest mountains. the lowest valleys.
everything in between.
it got me thinking about the journey.
recently, in the midst of some extremely undesirable circumstances, i was talking to a spiritual authority in my life. somebody who has seen me walk through this faith journey the past four years.
he's seen the brokenness. the growth. the pain. the hell. the beauty. the faith. the doubt. the mountains. the valleys.
he's watched me travel the journey.
he spoke, what i believe, were the very words from my Dad in Heaven.
"life isn't about getting through the season you're in and moving to another season. it's about growing in EVERY season you're in."
it may not seem like heavy revelation to you, but on that very day, i needed to hear those God breathed words more than i needed oxygen itself.
i promise, there's a point to this blog. the point, is this.
for months, maybe even years now, i have had a fighter mindset.
i'm gonna push through this so i can finally get to the place where God wants me.
i have to overcome this battle and this season so God can use me the way He wants me.
just yesterday, i let this all go.
because it's not about getting through just to get to the next.
it's about what He does inside of us during EVERY single season.
don't get me wrong. God uses every single thing that we experience and encounter for our testimony and to uses it all for good. There is PURPOSE behind it all.
(romans 8:28 . genesis 50:20)
to answer the title of this blog…
suffering can take us all kinds of places.
but perhaps the greatest, most beautiful place of all it takes us…is deeper and deeper into a majestic love with our Savior.
in the moments where i have felt the lowest, the sickest, like i can't take one more breath…
he has met me there. and he has never faltered.
suffering: it grows us.
and if we'll let it…if we'll surrender…
if we'll give up the fight, the stubbornness of doing it in our own strength, the independent spirit, it will lead us to the most beautiful place of all:
right in the very midst of the presence of Jesus. P A R A D I S E.
the very reason that Jesus was crucified.
so we could be free to live abundant life, in the very paradise of His presence.
{ leads (verb) : to go before or show the way, to hold or guide. }
suffering. praise God for letting pain graciously lead us to the greatest place we could ever be…
a SAFE refuge. the DEEPEST love. overflowing mercy. overwhelming grace. OUR greatest comfort.
jesus.
my circumstances haven't changed. but one thing has. i have never been closer to jesus than i am in this moment. and for that, i am forever grateful.
until next time,
x o x o...
c a i t l i n
recently, in the midst of some extremely undesirable circumstances, i was talking to a spiritual authority in my life. somebody who has seen me walk through this faith journey the past four years.
he's seen the brokenness. the growth. the pain. the hell. the beauty. the faith. the doubt. the mountains. the valleys.
he's watched me travel the journey.
he spoke, what i believe, were the very words from my Dad in Heaven.
"life isn't about getting through the season you're in and moving to another season. it's about growing in EVERY season you're in."
it may not seem like heavy revelation to you, but on that very day, i needed to hear those God breathed words more than i needed oxygen itself.
i promise, there's a point to this blog. the point, is this.
for months, maybe even years now, i have had a fighter mindset.
i'm gonna push through this so i can finally get to the place where God wants me.
i have to overcome this battle and this season so God can use me the way He wants me.
just yesterday, i let this all go.
because it's not about getting through just to get to the next.
it's about what He does inside of us during EVERY single season.
don't get me wrong. God uses every single thing that we experience and encounter for our testimony and to uses it all for good. There is PURPOSE behind it all.
(romans 8:28 . genesis 50:20)
to answer the title of this blog…
suffering can take us all kinds of places.
but perhaps the greatest, most beautiful place of all it takes us…is deeper and deeper into a majestic love with our Savior.
in the moments where i have felt the lowest, the sickest, like i can't take one more breath…
he has met me there. and he has never faltered.
suffering: it grows us.
and if we'll let it…if we'll surrender…
if we'll give up the fight, the stubbornness of doing it in our own strength, the independent spirit, it will lead us to the most beautiful place of all:
right in the very midst of the presence of Jesus. P A R A D I S E.
the very reason that Jesus was crucified.
so we could be free to live abundant life, in the very paradise of His presence.
{ leads (verb) : to go before or show the way, to hold or guide. }
suffering. praise God for letting pain graciously lead us to the greatest place we could ever be…
a SAFE refuge. the DEEPEST love. overflowing mercy. overwhelming grace. OUR greatest comfort.
jesus.
my circumstances haven't changed. but one thing has. i have never been closer to jesus than i am in this moment. and for that, i am forever grateful.
until next time,
x o x o...
c a i t l i n
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