b e y o n d here.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,

To venture on wider seas

Where storms will show your mastery;

Where losing sight of land,

We shall find the stars. 

i'm sitting here searching through my stickies on the background of my mac at starbucks. it's friday afternoon.

the above, the red is an excerpt it's from a poem that Pastor Craig Groeschel read in a sermon that he preached a while back. 

the poem is called -disturb us, o Lord.-

B E A U T I F U L, isn't it?

the words pause you, don't they?

the poem stops me. takes my breath away. and makes me wonder. 

when i read it, it shook me, down to the depths of my core. i don't know why i'm surprised. isn't that the way the Holy Spirit works? 

that is why this post is centered around these 5 sentences. what they mean. and even more than that, what they mean specifically to me. because up until today, instead of dreams...i have been clouded with doubt. instead of looking further ahead, into the unknown, i have been trapped looking to the past.

i have lost sight of the shore, been tip toeing on rough waters hoping not to sink instead of holding tight the a n c h o r that centers my entire life. 

let me preface you readers with a little intro with what's going on in my world.

things have been turned upside down in my world as of late: my family, my friendships, my school, my job, my future. 

let's talk about vague. i don't think i could possibly be any more than i am being right now. 

but that is because, in respect to all of these areas of my life, i have absolutely no idea what is going to happen. 

and although Jesus has been my s a v i o r and lived in my heart for over two years now, the s o v e r e i g n i t y of Him in my life has been pushed away, by my own doing.

in plain english, i am admitting, yes, i am admitting, i am a control freak. and even funnier than that, i cannot handle change. which is odd. because on my strengthsquest test, i scored third in adaptability. which is being able to adapt. pretty much anywhere. 

in the past few days when i have had no answers, and still have none, when i have been in what seems like the longest, most one sided waiting game i have ever possibly endured in my life (in case you didn't grasp that- it's been painful, oh and it isn't over yet), i have found myself saying over and over that i hate change. 

i cannot handle it. it scares me. 

but i scroll through the stickies on my mac today after a particularly emotionally draining day. and i find this poem. and i read it. over. and over. and over again.

and my fingers scroll down to this verse. and i close my eyes. and suddenly, my mind isn't clouded with and my brain isn't forecasted with doubt. but rather, 

i am dreaming. 
i am full of hope.
i am anchored to not only a future unknown, but anchored directly to the one who holds M E.

on a particularly drab, dark, cloudy day, the Holy Spirit prompted me with a thought...it was a gentle slap in the face, but nontheless, a slap in the face that woke me up and opened my eyes to a greater thought. 

(by the way, i'm convinced that the Holy Spirit deals with me this way because it's just how I am. I am a yankee. He created me this way. A *gentle* slap in the face, jaw dropping revelation is usually what works best for me.) 

#yankeeforlife <------ yes, that just happened. i hope you still continue to read! ;)

anyway, i continued to question why i still kept repeating over and over, i can't handle change. after all, i had scored "adaptability" in my top 3 strengths on my strengths quest test. in fact, i often feel i chase after change. 

some have often called me impulsive because of how much i like change and adventure and moving and new decisions and new things!

i began to talk to myself. wait, i like change. so why...

why is everything unsure and shifting driving me insane right now? things are changing. so why can't i handle it?

HERE IT CAME: the answer, the slap, the revelation. 

yes, caitlin, you like change. in fact you love it. but only when it's on your terms. 

when you're controlling it, you love change. 

um, ouch.

true. it's N E V E R easy to hear. but the Lord always graciously reveals the truth to us. 

hard to hear, perhaps.

absolutely essential, y e s.

okay, so there i sat. and the the feeling wasn't condemnation. in fact, it was the opposite. 

it was c o n v i c t i o n. 

i flashed back to my last three years of my relationship with Christ. 

one word kept appearing as my life flashed in pictures from the previous years.

s u r r e n d e r. 

there are sweet moments. moments that i have experienced in my life...

full of conviction. revelation. surrender. 

this was one of them.

so easily, we forget. that we are to l i v e and follow in Christ's footsteps.

it was a prompting in this moment of realization to s u r r e n d e r this spirit of control. 

and to begin to dream...

b i g dreams.

dreams so big, dreams that can never happen without H i M.

the dreams that my father has e n g r a v e d deep in my heart.

they long, i long, He L O N G S for them to come to pass. 

the beautiful, incredible part?

This is His will for our life. 

reading this beautiful verse of the poem, i began to dig deep within His word.

saying "Lord, your will for my life" is one thing.

believing it, praying it, surrendering to Him completely and forsaking our control and O U R fleshly desires completely to follow Him...is a completely different story.

conviction began to set in when i opened my BiBLE.

in a great way. 

J E S U S.

he knew. what was coming. he knew that enduring the c r o s s was what God willed Him to do. And greater, He K N E W that because of this s a c r i f i c e, this beautiful s u r r e n de r... He would be in paradise. He knew that people would find life, freedom, and salvation.

Eternity, glory, bliss, salvation, L I F E. 

he knew death on a Cross was coming.


"And going a little farther, he fell on the ground and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass from him. And he said, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” 
m a r k 14:35-36

i don't know about anybody else,  but i'm just being real. Even if I knew paradise was coming, freedom was coming for people, paid debts for the worst of sinners, i still am pretty sure i wouldn't end my prayer with, "but not what i want, but what YOU WANT."

the sacrifice and selflessness of Christ leaves me in awe. 

it leaves me desiring to pray NOTHING other than Gods will for my life, and J U M P off cliffs, (not literally), run out onto the ocean waves, tossing and turning, unknown...

knowing only one thing: that i am right in the middle of His will 

his good, pleasing and perfect will.


before all else, i have realized, this past few days...that i am MANY THINGS TO GOD...

but i am, fearlessly, A

  D I S C I P L E O F CHRIST. 

i made a decision to s u r r e n d e r. to Him. His plans. His way. His timing. 

and that, does not change. 

it doesn't change because HE is the same, yesterday, today, and forever. His word NEVER CHANGES.

it doesn't change when i feel discouraged.
psalm 69:32
Let all who seek God's help be encouraged.

it doesn't change when i am unsure and fearful of what is to come. 
1 john 4:18. 
perfect love casts out fear.

it doesn't change when i am tired, worn down. 
matthew 11:29
in me, you will find rest for your souls.

it doesn't change when i am impatient.
romans 8:25

                                    But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

it doesn't change when STORMS come, and it gets rough. 
john 16:33
But take heart! I have overcome the world.


it doesn't change when EVERYTHING is turned upside down, and i am left with no answers, clinging to the ONLY S U R E and promised H O P E  in this world:

C H R I S T.

let's sum this up. He holds my future.


jeremiah 29:11

i don't need to know what the future holds. I just need to know the One who holds me. 

keep dreaming BIG, the Holy Spirit says.

keep trusting me, God says.

keep following me, Jesus says.

"and we know that God works all things together for good for those who love Him."

and boy, do i love Him.




XOXO,

CAITLIN. 

i get by with a little help from my friends.

i'm convinced that one of the slickest ways the enemy can capture us and keep us from ever encountering true L O V E is through isolation.

those are you reading would probably say: duh. THAT'S OBVIOUS. 

but if it's so obvious, why does it happen to so many people? all of the time? 

it's not creative. it's not genius. it's not even smart. but it happens.

and it's happened to me. 

lately, but especially in this week of Jesus laying down His life for us, it has hit me like a ton of bricks. 

that the greatest gift, (besides salvation and a relationship with Him), and greatest d e s i r e of His heart is for His children, you and i, to have R E A L, honest, c h r i s t l i k e friendships. 

w a r n i n g: this post is vulnerable. it's trademarked. caitlin ritchie style. it's R E A L. it isn't going to lie, sugar coat, or dance around the subject. it's my heart. 

i have spent the last 7 months in a daze of mixed emotions towards 5 girls that i live with.

YES. I SAID F I V E.

we are, looking at us individually, the 6 absolute most different young women you could ever meet. 

some are loud, some are quiet. some have a shoe collection that far outweighs the total combined of all five other girls shoe collection....(no names mentioned...although we all know that would be me...) and some would rather be barefoot. (WHY?!) 

we are different. we are different. we are all different. 

and the very thing that brought us all together, that should U N I T E us has been far overlooked by me for the past several months.

two things: very important.

NUMBER ONE: WE ARE CREATED IN GODS IMAGE. JUST HOW HE DESIRED FOR US TO BE CREATED. WE WERE ALL INTRICATELY WOVEN to fit His mold, just as He wanted us. DIFFERENT. UNIQUE. GOD is not a boring God, but a rather beautiful, majestic, masterpiece maker who had each of us individually in mind in the beginning of creation. 

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful P S A L M 139:14

NUMBER TWO: the world lies to us and tells us that being different isn't normal and that we need to conform to being just like somebody else. 

LIE! that is a lie from the enemy. 


the thing is, we're all like a deck of cards. you can't play a game without just one card missing. if even one is missing, the game cannot be played properly. there is a void.

what most Christians fail to realize is that without one another, there is a void. WE, as sinners, of course don't realize it because...well it's just that. we're full of S I N.

but our daddy in Heaven realizes it. and it desperately grieves HIM when we discredit, discount, and most importantly, let the enemy BLIND us...

and keep YOU AND I from encountering true love, loyalty, and joy in friendships with the INCREDIBLE men (if you are a man) and and women (if you are a woman- POWER!) of GOD that HE HAS DIVINELY PLACED IN OUR LIVES.

p r o v e r b s 27:17 says, "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another." 

GOD put these people in our lives to help us, to love us, because he knows that WE NEED PEOPLE. our deck of cards is not full without PEOPLE.

e c c l e s i a s t e s says it like this, it's such a beautiful verse filled with such power. AND WHERE POWER IS, THE DEMONS HATE IT. AND WHERE POWER IS SPOKEN, WHERE IT IS PRESENT, WHERE IT IS PRAYED FOR, THE ENEMY FLEES.

"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken." e c c l e s i a s t e s 4:9-12


look, this could start to get a little preachy, but it needs to be said. and it can be said with a little Boston emphasis on it, because it's something i have been walking through, struggling with, aching over, been rebuked for, convicted of, and even condemned from the enemy for feeling..

IT'S REAL. IT'S HAPPENING. IT'S A LIE. AND THERE IS FREEDOM FROM IT.

and it's our job to end it. NOW.

WE ARE NOT CALLED TO WALK THIS LIFE ALONE. it is not our job to DISCOUNT the people God has placed in our lives.

they are there for a r e a s o n.

and if we love God, we let His sovereignty reign in our life and believe it is  E V E R P R E S E N T.


we do not get to pick and choose when and where and what areas of our life we choose to let Him reign and then decide the rest for ourselves.

the thing i didn't realize, up until, well, to be honest, up until two days ago, is that this is a sin. and it is masqueraded by the enemy telling us lies about people. 

but it's not ONLY that. you see, for the enemy to have a foothold to place these thoughts about people in my head means that i OPENED the door for him to be able to. 

i found myself wanting to be away from people and discounting needing friends because they IRRITATE ME. because i'm selfish. because i'm easily irritated. i let my anger get the best of me. i'm impatient. and insecure. 

and all of this leads to isolation. and room for deterioration of friendships. which are E S S E N T I A L.

and this, my friends, is living opposite of the fruit of the spirits that God commands us to live by. see, when i pray to live in the fruit of the S P i R i T, and i remember the  C R O S S , I  desire, seek, and welcome the love, the joy, the support, the laughter, the tears, the true genuineness of friendship. 

when we live not only with an army of people around us who are there, walking with us through life...

with arms there to hold you, when you can't stand...

with a smile there when you can't seem to form one yourself...

with laughter that fills your heart when it feels empty...

with words that carry kindness that couldn't possibly imagine in times of despair...

L I F E is simply better. 

and...

even better. when we accept, with loving and open arms the people, no matter how different they are, that our Daddy has intricately placed in every season, on every path, through this walk of L i F E...

we are walking in His will. His desire for us. AND His desire is for us to be loved.

God gives us p e o p l e. 

it our choice to make them our f r i e n d s.

and f r i e n d s, are a  d r e a m. they are a j o y. they are t r e a s u r e s. they are b e a u t i f u l. they are b l e s s i n g s. they are l o v e. 

this last week has taught me...just how blessed i am. how loved i am. how humbly my "people", my "army", my "girls", my "sisters in Christ", "my boo- thangs", my "girlfrands" walk in f o r g i v e n e s s. in p a t i e n c e. in   L O V E. 

i don't know if you people that are reading this know this, but i am difficult. i am caitlin. i am me. i am a sinner. i can be, at times: all of THESE things: quite impatient. selfish. insecure. moody. emotional. a train wreck at times. loud. messy. rude. mean. irresponsible. unforgiving. 

and just as i was writing this, i can honestly tell you there is no condemnation from the D E V I L in this gal, because i am I M P E R F E C T.

but in my weakness Christ is strong. and as long as i am walking with Him, humbly, accepting His lessons, trusting and hearing His voice, and abiding in His will, 

i'm doing just f i n e. better than f i n e. w o n d e r f u l.

with my K i n g by my side, no matter where i turn...i'm doing just fine. :)

my f r i e n d s. divinely placed. 

full of acceptance. a shelter from the storms...(because they come.)

 to encourage...(because He never promised this life would be easy all the time)

to sharpen. (because let's face it, women are incredibly smart.)

to pray. (because a praying woman can destroy the devil more than if he was in a battle with the incredible hulk, of this i am SURE.)

to bless. (and yes, when i wrote this, chocolate and flowers were the first thing that came to my mind. sue me. i am a woman. we love these things.)

to rebuke.(to those of you who are reading this and aren't a Christian, this is a fancy shmancy word for "CALL OUT." because let's face it. there are times when we need to be.)

but most importantly, friends are here to l o v e. and no, we cannot l i v e without it. or them. 

in fact, we will wither away. 

this week, i have come a l i v e again. in a way i could never have imagined past my wildest dreams. 

blinders have fallen off, and my heart has been torn out of it's hardened shell, thanks to a few beautiful, incredible, God fearing women who have loved me with an endless, Christ like love. 

and i would like to thank those women. and remind them how beautiful they are. 

thank you for being different. thank you for being you. thank you for answering the call that God has placed on you. and thank you..for never, ever giving up on me. 

D i S C L A i M E R: to anybody who is not a Christian, who has read this, whose heart has been stirred, convicted, or maybe broken because you have taken the people God has placed in your life for granted: remember forgiveness lies in Christ and His biggest desire is for you to enjoy life with p e o p l e. friends are biblical. and He desires for you to have them.

Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

J O H N 15:13

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

1 thessalonians 5:11

Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.

proverbs 27:29

That is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith, both yours and mine.

romans 1:12


MEGAN- thank you for being you. for walking so humbly in love, patience, and understanding. you are an incredible Woman of God. Jesus shines through you.

MARYCATHERINE- there is nobody like you. the Holy Spirit lives and breathes through you, the call on your life is unlike any other. you are truly beautiful. a woman of wisdom. 

HALEY- your laughter makes my heart happy. you are a woman all your own, and your identity lying firmly in Christ is truly evident. you are perhaps one of the funniest, kind hearted, light hearted woman i've ever met . you are the epitome of a "take me as i come" friend, and are incredibly faithful.

ANNA- you know i have love for my northern girl. there is nobody like you in the world. you are a comfort, a smile, a brightened room and an open arms, safe haven for me. my heart feels nothing but trust and solidity in our friendship. NORTHERN aggression forever. 

JINNY- the sweetest. never have i met a more dedicated, talented, humble person. plus, that girl can cook. your hugs are the best. thank you for accepting me for who i am and loving me always where i'm at. you are amazing. amazing.

there are plenty more who i am speaking to in my life. my sisters, my several other friends. you have all touched my heart and changed my life forever. i love you all. i don't tell you enough. i fail you all the time. i take you all for granted. but you are treasures. you are beautiful. and you are the GREATEST gifts Jesus could ever give me. 

xoxo,

C A i T L i N

R E C R E A T E. MY L I F E.

this post...is way overdue. 

i attended a woman's conference at highlands at the end of september....the end of the first month of my semester at Highlands college.

it changed my perspective. it revived me. it left me FULL. of J O Y. 

and full of H O P E.

most importantly, it FiLLED me with a BURNiNG DESiRE to go. and DO.

i always think i'm going to forget whatever i learn or feel or moments that i encounter, so i cloud my MAC with sticky notes of my thoughts.

it's funny.

i'm quirky, i know. 

i was scrolling through this just a couple days ago and the Holy Spirit prompted me to dig through my stickies and i came across my thoughts from the night recreate ended. 

it's so much fun to go back and read how satisfied by Jesus and in love with the Lord i truly was.


the words i wrote were powerful. i am confident that every single word, sentence, blog, paper i write...

the Holy Spirit is writing through me. i am talentless and truly...

NOTHiNG without His presence. and His wisdom. 

anyway, i'm scrolling through what i had written and my words are so fully written filled with emotion, feeling, excitement, realness and raw openness. 

i have felt, since i started writing when i was younger, to always be open. 

when i was called by the Lord to step into ministry and fulfill my calling, He spoke very clearly to me one night, whispering into my ear: "i have called you not to shy away from who you are. i have called you to be open, to be real, to be raw. people need brokenness, people need openness to see ME." 

this was hard for me. be vulnerable? be real? be broken? how? 

i got my answer from the Holy Spirit not soon after that. 

i am called to follow Christ and live a life in His image. God urged this profound thought into my head...

How could you be vulnerable? Wasn't my SON the ultimate example of vulnerability when He was C R U C I F I E D, naked, shamed, embarrassed, on a cross for you? 

Didn't He show you REAL love by giving up His life, even though it was pure and blameless and He was my son...wasn't He the ultimate definition of REAL? He suffered. Willingly. Openly. For YOU.

DON'T you take communion and eat a wafer that signifies His BODY...

BROKEN...for you? 

ultimate conviction began to set in. 

since then, and i will openly admit, it has been challenging, a struggle, and made me want to quit at times....but i vowed that day to always bring that openness to anybody that the Lord sends my way...

only to bring glory to H i S name. 

back to recreate. 

you see, i don't think it's any mistake that i was placed at Highlands. in Highlands College. the oldest YOUNG woman there. no, i don't think it's a mistake. in fact, it's DiViNE.

pastor Chris said it like this and it GRIPPED ME. 

GOD is FAITHFUL...

to deliver.

to heal.

to restore.

to answer.

that's not what he said that caught my attention.

it's what the Holy Spirit spoke through him just after those words;

HE ALWAYS HAS. HE ALWAYS WILL. HE WILL CONTINUE.

you see, it's almost been a year since i lost my sweet momma to an addiction that is straight from hell. 

but oh, have i let the lie and attack of the enemy keep hold of me all this time. 

i have doubted Him. His presence. His promise. His faithfulness. 

what i have doubted most, though...

is His POWER.

i'm being brutally honest. and transparent. but somebody needs it. somebody who will read this. 

somebody, somewhere, is letting sorrow overcome them. fighting, daily. and feeling like they are LOSiNG.

there is good news. and ONLY good news.

as my eyes flooded with tears, and more tears, and then even more tears, and then finally...well, even MORE tears...

here came the refreshing breath of fresh AiR from my beautifully faithful FATHER in Heaven...

"DAUGHTER....I AM NOT ONE TO HEAL IN ONE AREA OF YOUR LIFE AND LEAVE YOU HANGING, STRUGGLING, LIFELESS IN ANOTHER. WHEN I GAVE MY SON TO BE CRUCIFIED, HANGING ON A CROSS FOR YOU...I DIDN'T PICK AND CHOOSE WHAT TO SET YOU FREE FROM. "

THE VOICE OF JESUS ECHOED...HIS ARMS AROUND ME...

HIS PRECIOUS DAUGHTER, CLINGING TO HIM...

"I DIED...TO SET YOU FREE FROM ALL."

there it was. OVERPOWERING me. 

JESUS. PAID. IT. ALL. 

JESUS. PAID. IT. ALL.

JESUS. PAID. IT. ALL.

it was there in the theater of Church of the Highlands that weekend...the Lord began to uncover things to me in a new light. HE SHED A NEW LIGHT. AND oh, was has He been EVER at work in me since that weekend. 

father, forgive me. for not trusting you. for ignoring you. for feeling helpless. alone. and abandoned by you. forgive me for my lack of trust. my lack of faith. my dissatisfaction from my circumstances. 

YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH. 

SiNCE the day i MET JESUS, i have claimed GENESiS 50:20 over my life. 

i remember the first time i ever laid eyes on that verse. 

it was incredible. 

i FELT His voice for the first time that day. His word came ALiVE to me that day. 

There was my promise...written in His word. 

my life verse...THERE IT JUMPED OFF THE PAGE AND INTO MY HEART. 

<3 


embarrassed, almost to the point of laughing, i began talking to myself inside of my head. 

what the enemy intends for evil, God uses for good.

drugs. abuse. depression. death. lying. self harm. hate. anger. unforgiveness. brokenness. bitterness. 

i literally began to laugh. 

God had RESCUED me from the PiT OF HELL.

i mean, HELL.

He had protected me in the DARKEST places. when i not only..didn't know Him, i hated Him and rebelled against HIM. 

not only that...

i sat there thinking of all of the promises that my DADDY has made to me in His word. HE does not leave ONE out.

ROMANS 8:28.

why, then, did i doubt...THAT NOT ONLY DOES HE HAVE THE POWER...

but..HE MAKES A PROMISE TO USE IT FOR GOOD AND FOR THE SAVING OF MANY LIVES?!

you see, Pastor Chris lost 3 parents in 15 months. and he spoke on it at this conference. 

this goes back to me being divinely placed at HiGHLANDS.

i am there because GOD has planted me there. He needs me to hear His Holy Spirit through what is being taught there.

and oh, did i hear at this conference. 

you see, the moment i heard Pastor Chris talk about losing 3 parents in 15 months, it clicked.

hearing him speak those words at that conference, they saved my life. He is fulfilling his own GENESiS 50:20.

AND THERE, God showed me...why i endure the things i ENDURE.

to turn bad from good. to save many lives.

you see, he had a choice. and here at this conference, the Spirit spoke to me...

you have a choice.

what, what do you choose?

DOES THE ENEMY WIN?

OR DO YOU CLING TO THE POWER OF PROMISE OF GOD AND BELIEVE...

THAT IT HAS ALREADY BEEN WON?

it has been won. it has been won. it has been won. 


you see, the enemy hates me. he hates me!

he wants nothing more than to destroy me. 

because by destroying me, he destroys MANY LIVES. 

HE DESTROYS THE MINISTRY THAT GOD HAS ENTRUSTED ME.

HE WINS.

over the past few months, i have let SORROW overcome me. 

i have given up.

i have been faithless.

i have been afraid, angry and confused.

because of the greatest victory, my SAVIOR who sits at the right hand of God...

i have a calling...a purpose...a ministry...a LIFE TO LIVE...

a LIFE TO LIVE TO SAVE LIVES. 
TO GLORIFY GOD. 
TO PRAISE HIS NAME. 
TO LIVE CHRISTLIKE IN EVERY WAY.
TO WALK VICTORIOUSLY. 

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY...

i have the courage, the boldness, and walk in FEARLESSNESS TO STAND UP TO THE ENEMY AND SAY NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

there are people who need you, said the Holy SPiRiT.

they are waiting, GOD says.

you have been elected, JESUS PROCLAIMS.

HOW could i slip and let the enemy even think He has the SLIGHTEST CHANCE to destroy me?!

they NEED ME. they NEED ME. they NEED ME.

the past 10 months, ever so slightly, but sneaky...the enemy has kept bondage around that "ONE" thing...i just could't let go of. 

the "one" thing...the "huge" thing...the "one" area that God couldn't possibly touch, heal or restore.

the death of my mother.

YOU KNOW WHAT? 

JESUS DIED FOR THAT TOO. 

HE KNEW.

HE HAD ME IN MIND.

GOD IS BIGGER. THAN DEATH. 

JESUS CONQUERED THE GRAVE.

HE CONQUERED DEATH.


NOW, I SPEAK FEARLESSLY TO THE DEVIL:

I WIN. THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE IS AT WORK IN ME. HE FIGHTS FOR ME. HE LOVES ME. I TRUST HIM. I LOVE HIM. HE LOVES ME. I WILL FULFILL MY PURPOSE. HE WILL TURN ALL YOUR BAD....FOR GOOD. LIVES WILL BE SAVED. AND GOD WILL BE GLORIFED. AND YOU, YOU, DEVIL, WELL...YOU LOSE! YOU LOSE. YOU HAVE NO HOLD OVER ME. YOU WILL NOT KEEP ME IN BONDAGE. I AM FREE. I AM FREE. I AM FREE. in JESUS name, i AM FREE! JESUS FOREVER. JESUS FOREVER. JESUS FOREVER. OH, HOW I LOVE YOU JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!

let every breath i take PRAISE THE LORD.


oh, and just one more WiN for me...my sweet mother, who the enemy kept in bondage...

is no longer in pain. she no longer suffers. she no longer battles the enemy DAILY.

and oh, do i miss her. 

we ALL MISS HER! VOID is normal. GRIEF is normal.



and while weeping endures for the night...

JOY comes in the morning...

she is rejoicing in Heaven...at the feet of her SAVIOR. free forever. loved forever. ETERNITY with HIM.

H A L L E L U J A H. 


i will battle. i will fight. i run this race.

i choose to praise. i choose to trust. i choose to look to the Heavens. 

i choose to win. i choose to win. i choose to win.

oh, what a crazy life this is!

sweet. precious. a treasure. a gift.

thank you JESUS...

for RECREATING ME. A NEW HEART. A NEW LIFE. A NEW CREATION.

thank you, LORD.

for CHOOSING ME.

my life in your hands. my heart in your hands. my yesterday in your hands. my tomorrow...

in YOUR HANDS.


X O X O, 

C A I T L I N.